Space invaders encounters of the third kind extra-terrestrial

Once something happened to me that no-one would believe: I was walking in the woods of eastern Siberia near Kamchatka one night when I saw some amazing, flashing lights in the sky. It was a UFO - I saw it hover in the sky doing things that no man-made space ship could do and then it landed near me. I was a-tremble in a state of excitation verging on religious ecstasy to see that a doorway or porticle opened and a being on two legs of similar height to my own exited the vehicle and approached.

My heart was racing but there was no time to do anything before the creature said to me: 'Would you like to bumsex with me?' I was aghast, my mind couldn't process all this information. First of all I had the luck to meet a creature from a more advanced civilization that was capable of travelling faster than the speed of light - then to realize that it's first approach to me was a sexual come-on --- was it a male or a female Alien? Would it be able to share some technology with me that could help our own planet further itself?

'Are you male or female?' I asked it. 'How do you reproduce?' I went on.

'Bumsex' it said and started making sexual humping motions as seen in some R&B/Hip-Hop dance clips such as MC Hammer or that failed Hollywood flop 'Ford Fairlane' (with Bruce Willis).

'Did it really want to sodomize me?' I asked myself; perhaps it was trying to mock me because of it's advanced state of civilization as compared to my own. I couldn't think of anything else than to start singing Lionel Richie's 'Hello, is it me you're looking for?' song.

A few bars into the song - or maybe half-way through it -- my mind ran through some thoughts: images of brave Americans bombing Afghanis and Pakistanis from Nevada with remote controlled aeroplanes; marketing and media companies all over the world trying to sell me donkey-dick; two billion idiots driving broom-broom cars around while this Alien was travelling faster then the speed of light:

I boldly put my hand on that Alien's shoulder and told him firmly:

'You're gonna take me off this planet.' And together we climbed into its Spaceship.