tortured souls, negativity - angst

hello -- if you the reader are a happy person -- you may be more interested in listening to REM's 'shiny happy people' 100 times in a row........ again and again........ and yet, even still, your happiness may be built on the foundation of another person's misery....

i reckon i'll think of some examples of that by and by............. but first it pleases the writer to dwell on the notion of opposing discontent -- in broad general terms as a matter of human nature...... without demonizing this catholic church or that russian communist movement or this strand of eurotrash race of humanity or that clan of no-good two-bit americanos......................

but let me digress and profess that i mean be no worthy thinker.............. let's look at mathematics..... mathematics....... even in art -- is a beautiful thing -- because it shows reason and logic: STRUCTURE --- an ORDER........... these are good things, all things considered........ when we begin studying mathematics............ we generally --- young or old, have to begin at the very beginning with simple funcionts like addition, multiplication and so forth:

example: whats 3 times 7, 7+7+7 --- it's 21.................. then we might move on the simple algebra: if 2b = 50 then what does b equal? we just divide 50 by the 2 that was multiplying b to make b 50 in the first place and of course it turns out b = 25............. simple math............. then we can get the squares of numbers and at the same time have fun plotting out 2 dimensional geometric forms............ for example: what is 5 raised to the power of 2? or 5 with a tiny little 2 sitting no it's fivey-shoulder..........? ---- in geometry, it's like you have a garden 5 metres long -- all four walls of your garden ..........

anyway -- i'm bored with math talk so forget about calculus (here's a hint: it's about 3 dimensional shapes -- so you can find the volume of a milk carton using calculus -- or the volume of a round object like a basketball: how much coca cola a basketball would hold (all without getting up out of your seat: just using mathematics).............. from basic steps like these it's a hope skip and a jump for those Souls that have the patience and diligence to spend their entire careers focused on mathematical type work --- for them to figure out how to put a rocket into space and how to get it to land again and many technical disciplines in electronics and computers and engineering involve mathematics............

who cares? this is meant to be about human unhappiness and the human condition in general.......... but maybe i took my digression to mathematics to make a point of relativity........ i'm not much of a thinker perhaps -- hence my poverty, lack of fame, lack of anything resembling a social status and lack of awards and general lack of society............. and anyway -- everything is relative................ i want to bring to the foremost of your mind the notion of relativity - often when we think about relativity we think of einstein's famous theory of relativity (is it applicable to the Catholic 'Mass' ? and what does the speed of light squared FEEL like? seems like an abstraction) --- and then we are likely to think -- oh i can't understand that, i heard only 3 people alive in the world can understand it and such.............. but people can and do understand that relativity is real and that in life we are running a marathon from birth to death and that we must prioritize our lives, our problems, our goals, our ambitions, must choose this or that pleasure, this or that avenue to material success....... that we cannot ignore materials needs.... that our Soul may even sometimes, perhaps in some rare cases, actually somehow move us in dreams or daily life to reckon something intangible, something not necessarily material like, and i hate to use this word, 'love' -- because actually, most 'love' as we know it is just the same as tribe-survivalism.... and where wealth, comfort and superfluity of physical means abounds then often love becomes surplus lust in any case - which isn't to say we cannot have a comfortable, materially wealthy, society without being overly luxurious..... so forget about love for now and maybe forget about soul too.......... and let's focus on relativity.......

john, you look like shit today, did you have a really bad night last night?

john: wait! look at that guy over there? no not the one at the newstand, the one that was just run over by the bus over there, look! blood is spouting from his head! his teeth are sprinkled all over the pavement!

THAT'S RELATIVITY!!!!!

john, although he looked pretty bad, looked GREAT compared to the guy hit by the bus!!!

we find this notion expressed in mathematics too, eg., in algebra: x (looking okay) is greater than minus 5 (looking really bad) but less than 2000 (over 2000 and you're somehow got to be cheating or you are superman -- looking good -- more on superman later)

so when we look at humanity, all the nations and how this mix and match and so forth, relativity becomes an important thing to keep in mind................. can you relate to someone in small town china that is being forced off their land if you are from maplewood, wisconsin and renting from the government? maybe not............

somehow failing to be able to express some notion here but it seems that the chinese culture, in the way they live and do things -- are not immediately comparable to, say, western europeans --- hence the expression: you cannot compare apples and oranges................

well, this post was meant to be about unhappiness and misery and the questionable nature of human happiness: (what is all your happiness but wretched discontent, paraphrasing nietzsche, and the 'cowardly nay and yay of modern society' - again nietzsche)...... but somehow the post turned into some twisted garble perhaps ---

i do remember once a society where happiness seemed very real (california to be sure) but maybe in life we have to experience a lot of sadness or we just CHOOSE to experience it........ so as to graduate to happiness..........................

a noticeable element in society is oppressing others for the sake of our own happiness........ so that institutionalized cruelty is practiced and any player involved that is maddened by it can then be referred to as 'mentally ill' and somehow incomprehensible........... but the causes for all problems are pretty apparent if one digs around enough................

in manufacturing a society of idiots........... which is our primary concern as humans......... we want a being that doesn't REMEMBER.......... a being that is content to bump and trudge around and knock this over and crush that flower and FORGET what a despicable little monster it really is......... we want a people to institutionalize mean-spiritedness, as a substitute for strength and empathy, compassion and understanding......... actually we SHOULD want the latter -- but what we are truly striving for is the former (mistakenly -- as we are taking the wrong path and will have to go back in the future and retrace our footsteps)...........

if you, gentle reader, need to turn outside now, and vomit, should you see humanity's ugliness it all it's light --- then please feel free.............. the world is a sick and nasty place........... and anyone who might struggle to see ............. whatever.......... i'm just spouting whatever..........

the human brain is not much of a thing when it comes to retention, is it? -- it seems it cannot remember much and has to struggle to lock down on each day's daily physical realities............... i marvel at people that are born, live and die always in the same town/city or country and are never interested to live other experiences or are not bored with the same drudging monotony, and: let's be frank: inane stupidity of their daily lives - example, john sticks lables on boxes all day long, goes home to same horrible wife everyday - probably because she is from the same race as him -- he raises his horrible children to be a horrible extension of his own pathetic life.......

run to the rooftops to yell this sad reality and you my friend have a 'mental illness' or a citation for 'public disturbance' and a fine to pay (better to play crazy if you want to save money on fines)......................

well, at least some minds like Shakespeare (Francis Bacon) or Mozart were able to touch on depression and sadness in a sublime way........... better than nothing.......... all you'll get from me are pathetic rantings that will never be published by some journalist dyke in the newspaper as the last epiphet of a disturbed mind before he gunned down four hundred people (coz i won't be doing that ever - pheww what a relief - ain't i swell)............ or studied in schools as the backbone of Nazism (please, if you are reading this: do not commit ANY act of violence unless it's on a football field during a game of football ........... or some such act of violence like shooting a duck on a hunting trip................ if you are a nutcase go and see a psychiatrist...................) ............. this is my blog where i can dispense my angst........ if it looks like teenage angst, or the mind of an arsehole, or a crazy man --- then so be it............... go get your own blog and for God's sake don't become a cutter or a serial killer.........................

to any reader that may wonder about the nature of violence and when is it okay to use violence......... let's just say that violence is a side-effect of the 'normal' human condition which is essentially the condition of a brute...............

now let's invent a story about a man called jimmy bloggy-pants.............. jimmy bloggy-pants was coming in his pants everyday ............... first he'd come in his pants to the bakery and then step out of the bakery and come in his pants to the shoestore and so on and so forth: always coming in his pants............. what is the moral of this story: who knows?

there is such a thing as 'philosophy' and 'creeds' and National psyches and psychologies....... and most all of them practice and condone violence in an institutionalized form........... oh yeah, now i remembered jimmy bloggy-pants' function........... you see, Jimmy bloggy-pants was so tortured and disturbed by violence that he decided to live away from society as a hermit................ he spent so long living alone in a forest........... a very, very, long time.......... that he decided to return to society.................... he ended up after some point visiting a psychologist and was told that his prolonged time spent alone made him anti-social................ so Jimmy Bloggy-Pants just continued coming in his pants as before.........


i know there are a bunch of happy little Souls out there: in rich countries, writing their music..... drinking wine with their loving circle of friends, acting in their tv-shows for great money.......... i don't know them....... but if they have musical talent and practice it regularly then i salute them..... i am with the baby in somalia starving to death with a face covered in flies if i can say that from the vantage point of my rich western country and my fat, un-exercised belly/body without being TOO rotten................. which is to say: misery is no stranger to this hearth........