Vladimir Putin stood before the audience at Princeton University --- a new generation of carbon dioxide burners was ready to graduate and pay-off student loans in excess of $200k... perhaps the best educated were the liberal arts and journalism students assembled there: all of them were taught to tie their shoelaces in pre-school.......
Putin looked out before the audience of dimwitted future Time magazine reporters and writers and future CNN pro-England, pro-Australian aboriginal anchors and started to speak:
'as you know, under the rule of my predecessor, Brezhnev, hostilities broke out in Afghanistan in 1979 --- for the next 10 years, Russian soldiers risked their necks handing out lollipops and candy to all the Afghani children and risked machine gun fire to teach them how to brush their teeth.......... under cover of night, our soldiers carrying peace wands knocked quietly and respectfully on the doors of the Afghan people to distribute CARE packages to them.... at no point did any Russian shoot an Afghan or lay a land mine...... many Russian soldiers were killed in this peace-keeping mission, no Afghani casualties were attributed to Russian love-wand carrying peace-keeping forces at this time.'
One of the idiot Princeton professors stood up and said:
'Hoorah! three cheers for Russia then!'
the entire audience carefully balanced their Lacrosse sticks against their seats in the large and expensive amphitheatre (which would later be destroyed by a flood brought about by excessive co2 in the atmosphere) and then gently got to their feet and hurrahed:
'three cheers for the Fatherland! three cheers for Russia! peace and goodwill to all mankind!'
'thanks you, thanks you,' said Mr. Putin, taken aback at the goodwill and gullibility of the audience... 'in fact, in our own country, other troublesome Muslims have made trouble for us from a place called Chechnya.... now, there have been some horrible rumors saying that before i became President of Russia i helped Russia Security Forces to bomb Russian people in urban settings and then blame such on the Chechyans so as to have a pretext to go to war.'
The Princeton audience scratched their heads--- it was too hard to understand... maybe they could get a Podcast and listen to it while they body-surfed during spring break.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xlix
leonardo and michelangelo headed for the van with miller --- some folks slapped leonardo on the back and said:
'great fight leonardo, too bad about vivaldi.'
back in the van, it was evident leonardo was in the mood for eminem, and didn't give much of a sh*t if michelangelo had a problem with that as it was leonardo's van and michelangelo could ride a skateboard........
'the staggering thing about these americans,' observed leonardo, 'is that, unlike even the lowly sicilian, or any european of our day or even today -- perhaps due to the english language -- the american is incapable of deciphering consciously and subconsciously, even for his own self, the difference between "come" as in approach and 'come' as in orgasm of the genitalia -- it is absolutely astounding and something that this Nation will have to address at some point in its future.'
'great fight leonardo, too bad about vivaldi.'
back in the van, it was evident leonardo was in the mood for eminem, and didn't give much of a sh*t if michelangelo had a problem with that as it was leonardo's van and michelangelo could ride a skateboard........
'the staggering thing about these americans,' observed leonardo, 'is that, unlike even the lowly sicilian, or any european of our day or even today -- perhaps due to the english language -- the american is incapable of deciphering consciously and subconsciously, even for his own self, the difference between "come" as in approach and 'come' as in orgasm of the genitalia -- it is absolutely astounding and something that this Nation will have to address at some point in its future.'
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xlviii
there was certainly a carnival atmosphere in the air as the two giant geniuses of history showed down representing their respective venices .....
the announcer continued commentating and hip-hop artist dmx had appeared somehow out of nowhere with a dj stand to scratch records -- currently boyz ii men's abc bbd....
'knock his dick in the dirt leonardo!' called one rambunctious texan girl as she threw her bra into the fray and untied her hair.... she appeared on television sets on other planets in other galaxies filmed from the feet down wearing only a red tartan skirt and her breasts just a hint of a mound on a clean smooth body as filmed from the side (but not on Earth as the bout was not transmitted there due to licensing and copyright issues)....
at that moment vivaldi did a special move, jumping into the air and turning into a whirlwind --- suddenly a u.s. aircraft was summoned and dropped a bunker busting nuclear bomb under leonardo which burrowed under his feet and exploded --- leonardo tried to block but it was too late as he had not stored up enough defensive power by pressing a and b buttons while holding down the trigger button and was left barely clinging to life....
michelangelo laughed at him from the sidelines --- and said, 'ha ha, you said you swore a blood oaf to the crips and bloods, not a bloaad oaTH!!!! you moron!!'
leonardo looked done for and the age-old biblical story of David and Goliath seemed to be playing itself out when suddenly Leonardo pulled a mona lisa on vivaldi who was busy preparing a violin move --- Leonardo tapped abcd abcd abcd aba on his controller unleashing his greatest move: Mona Lisa appeared in the middle of the scene between the two -- blocking Vivaldi's view of Da Vinci, the French tourists in the audience immediately got hard nipples when they saw Mona Lisa and then Da Vinci pulled a giant septic tank chain that hung from the air magically
a giant disembodied voice very deeply and mightily boomed:
SEPO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (short for Septic Tank)
and poured tons of shit over Vivaldi climaxing in Vivaldi being thoroughly buried by shit ---- the disembodied boomed:
CISTERN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the amer-indian calling the fight had put his heart and soul into it hoping to get permanent employment in the difficult economic times and called mightily:
and the winner, by SEPO septic tank destruction, hailing from Italy and representing Venice, Los Angeles, Leeee-o-naaaaaaaaaaaaaardooo Da Viinncciiiiiiiiiii
the announcer continued commentating and hip-hop artist dmx had appeared somehow out of nowhere with a dj stand to scratch records -- currently boyz ii men's abc bbd....
'knock his dick in the dirt leonardo!' called one rambunctious texan girl as she threw her bra into the fray and untied her hair.... she appeared on television sets on other planets in other galaxies filmed from the feet down wearing only a red tartan skirt and her breasts just a hint of a mound on a clean smooth body as filmed from the side (but not on Earth as the bout was not transmitted there due to licensing and copyright issues)....
at that moment vivaldi did a special move, jumping into the air and turning into a whirlwind --- suddenly a u.s. aircraft was summoned and dropped a bunker busting nuclear bomb under leonardo which burrowed under his feet and exploded --- leonardo tried to block but it was too late as he had not stored up enough defensive power by pressing a and b buttons while holding down the trigger button and was left barely clinging to life....
michelangelo laughed at him from the sidelines --- and said, 'ha ha, you said you swore a blood oaf to the crips and bloods, not a bloaad oaTH!!!! you moron!!'
leonardo looked done for and the age-old biblical story of David and Goliath seemed to be playing itself out when suddenly Leonardo pulled a mona lisa on vivaldi who was busy preparing a violin move --- Leonardo tapped abcd abcd abcd aba on his controller unleashing his greatest move: Mona Lisa appeared in the middle of the scene between the two -- blocking Vivaldi's view of Da Vinci, the French tourists in the audience immediately got hard nipples when they saw Mona Lisa and then Da Vinci pulled a giant septic tank chain that hung from the air magically
a giant disembodied voice very deeply and mightily boomed:
SEPO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (short for Septic Tank)
and poured tons of shit over Vivaldi climaxing in Vivaldi being thoroughly buried by shit ---- the disembodied boomed:
CISTERN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the amer-indian calling the fight had put his heart and soul into it hoping to get permanent employment in the difficult economic times and called mightily:
and the winner, by SEPO septic tank destruction, hailing from Italy and representing Venice, Los Angeles, Leeee-o-naaaaaaaaaaaaaardooo Da Viinncciiiiiiiiiii
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 47
Leonardo took photos with his i-Phone while Michelangelo proceeded to retrieve Miller....
some time later Michelangelo returned with Miller who was crying as he walked with his head resting against Michelangelo's shoulder --- his pants were a mess of pee-pee and poopy
'dude he stinx man!' said Leonardo emphatically, 'he gotta ride in the back man, Jesus Christ!' said Leonardo while he hustled for some air freshener to spray all over the van.
'sorry dude,' said Michelangelo as he stored Miller in the back of the van.
Both artists mounted the cabin and Leonardo started the engine, he proceeded to play Vivaldi's 'Autumn' movement on his sound system but played Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's 'first of the month' R&B classic over it at a louder pitch.
'dude we on a mission,' said Leonardo as they started off -- as they drove back to the freeway, eventually they passed emergency vehicles heading their way towards the accident as well as a helicopter that passed overhead.
After a long long drive, the two pulled into Sedona, Arizona - having passed Flagstaff with enough time to get Miller cleaned up -- his psyche was a bit of a mess and there was no telling if he was gonna regress to childhood mentally in terms of developing a bed-wetting problem but they managed to clean him up nicely.
As Leonardo and Michelangelo pulled into Sedona, they decided to pull up at some Alien-themed flying saucer restaurant on one of the few main roads and get some coffee --- they left Miller in the van locked up and sedated and intended to return with some snacks for him for when he woke up.
'My i-phone widget tells me Vivaldi will be coming thru warp at yonder tea-kettle rock there in approximately,' and estudiously studying the time on his i-phone finished by saying, 'won' or one most likely.
Michelangelo was impressed by some of the energy Leonardo was putting into this Vivaldi showdown -- he had already posted fliers all over Sedona advertising the impending smackdown and billed it as a hand-to-hand showdown between freestyle fighters David and Goliath --- Leonardo billed himself as Goliath and was inspiring ideas in Michelangelo which would later see fruition in one of Michelangelo's most well known works, the great statue David, after his return to Italy and the 15th century-cum-16th.
Leonardo moved Michelangelo and Miller to the teakettle rock site where a number of locals and passing transient tourists from all over the world including Paris, France were waiting. Leonardo had set up some free drink and food stands to cater for them and was playing Vivaldi music and R&B to the comers.
'Anything is possible in this great land,' thought Michelangelo to himself.
After a time, Vivaldi did indeed pour through the time-warp and re-liquified himself and vaporized himself back to normal, breathing, Earthly state. He looked around at the crowd and the fliers --- upon passing through warp, a person's mind was so affected as to immediately know and understand the local language...
Miller had improved and was sitting on a deck chair with a copy of USA Today reading about the floods in Pakistan and drinking mead (beer) and talking to some women from Iceland that were travelling through town touristically. Michelangelo observed a short Amer-Indian of very advanced age, but very strong and hale holding a microphone which he proceeded to talk into:
'laaaaaaadies and geeeeentlemen,' announced the old but very strong Amer-Indian, 'welcome to teakettle rock, Sedona, USA, to a battle of two of history's giants: in the blue corner, representing Venice, Los Angeles, California, at age twenty or twenty-two and weighing 180 pounds, a veritable giant Goliath of recorded human history, Leeeeoooonnnnnnnnnaaardo da Viiiiiinci,' said the Ameri-Indian with great showmanship - Leonardo played it up -- dancing a little jig in the dark red sand and taking off some flamboyant jacket he had found to wear and flinging it coquettishly at a group of pretty young American women (to their delight) who were holding a picnic on the desert floor..........
'in the red corner, weighing in at 160 pounds, representing Venice Italy, the not so Goliath, Annnnnnntoooooooonnniiiiooo Vivaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllldi', continued the showey announcer..... Vivaldi's music poured out over the scene and poor old Vivaldi, just fresh out of time-warp was certainly in a weakened state due to this fact ---
'Round one...... fight!' called the old Amer-Indian announcer...
the scene took on the hue and look of an extremely sophisticated video game as played in 2010 on Sony Playstations.... Leonardo flew into the air and proceeded to throw knives that materialized out of nowhere, video-game like, which Vivaldo blocked by slapping away backhand-edly ... while still floating up in the air Leonardo summoned a storm over Vivaldi's head with an accompanying video-game like sound-effect like a gong or something -- the whole thing looked just like a video game -- the storm dropped lightening and hail on Vivaldi which he blocked by assuming the block position and radiating a protective forcefield which visibly surrounded him, he responded by doing a bouncing jump-move kick -- flying into the air and then bouncing off what would have been invisible walls delineating the edge of a tv-screen -- bouncing in unpredictable ways until finishing strongly with a flying punch that landed and floored Leonardo, causing him to lose half of his vitality points in the vitality bar floating above him showing his life force left.
some time later Michelangelo returned with Miller who was crying as he walked with his head resting against Michelangelo's shoulder --- his pants were a mess of pee-pee and poopy
'dude he stinx man!' said Leonardo emphatically, 'he gotta ride in the back man, Jesus Christ!' said Leonardo while he hustled for some air freshener to spray all over the van.
'sorry dude,' said Michelangelo as he stored Miller in the back of the van.
Both artists mounted the cabin and Leonardo started the engine, he proceeded to play Vivaldi's 'Autumn' movement on his sound system but played Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's 'first of the month' R&B classic over it at a louder pitch.
'dude we on a mission,' said Leonardo as they started off -- as they drove back to the freeway, eventually they passed emergency vehicles heading their way towards the accident as well as a helicopter that passed overhead.
After a long long drive, the two pulled into Sedona, Arizona - having passed Flagstaff with enough time to get Miller cleaned up -- his psyche was a bit of a mess and there was no telling if he was gonna regress to childhood mentally in terms of developing a bed-wetting problem but they managed to clean him up nicely.
As Leonardo and Michelangelo pulled into Sedona, they decided to pull up at some Alien-themed flying saucer restaurant on one of the few main roads and get some coffee --- they left Miller in the van locked up and sedated and intended to return with some snacks for him for when he woke up.
'My i-phone widget tells me Vivaldi will be coming thru warp at yonder tea-kettle rock there in approximately,' and estudiously studying the time on his i-phone finished by saying, 'won' or one most likely.
Michelangelo was impressed by some of the energy Leonardo was putting into this Vivaldi showdown -- he had already posted fliers all over Sedona advertising the impending smackdown and billed it as a hand-to-hand showdown between freestyle fighters David and Goliath --- Leonardo billed himself as Goliath and was inspiring ideas in Michelangelo which would later see fruition in one of Michelangelo's most well known works, the great statue David, after his return to Italy and the 15th century-cum-16th.
Leonardo moved Michelangelo and Miller to the teakettle rock site where a number of locals and passing transient tourists from all over the world including Paris, France were waiting. Leonardo had set up some free drink and food stands to cater for them and was playing Vivaldi music and R&B to the comers.
'Anything is possible in this great land,' thought Michelangelo to himself.
After a time, Vivaldi did indeed pour through the time-warp and re-liquified himself and vaporized himself back to normal, breathing, Earthly state. He looked around at the crowd and the fliers --- upon passing through warp, a person's mind was so affected as to immediately know and understand the local language...
Miller had improved and was sitting on a deck chair with a copy of USA Today reading about the floods in Pakistan and drinking mead (beer) and talking to some women from Iceland that were travelling through town touristically. Michelangelo observed a short Amer-Indian of very advanced age, but very strong and hale holding a microphone which he proceeded to talk into:
'laaaaaaadies and geeeeentlemen,' announced the old but very strong Amer-Indian, 'welcome to teakettle rock, Sedona, USA, to a battle of two of history's giants: in the blue corner, representing Venice, Los Angeles, California, at age twenty or twenty-two and weighing 180 pounds, a veritable giant Goliath of recorded human history, Leeeeoooonnnnnnnnnaaardo da Viiiiiinci,' said the Ameri-Indian with great showmanship - Leonardo played it up -- dancing a little jig in the dark red sand and taking off some flamboyant jacket he had found to wear and flinging it coquettishly at a group of pretty young American women (to their delight) who were holding a picnic on the desert floor..........
'in the red corner, weighing in at 160 pounds, representing Venice Italy, the not so Goliath, Annnnnnntoooooooonnniiiiooo Vivaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllldi', continued the showey announcer..... Vivaldi's music poured out over the scene and poor old Vivaldi, just fresh out of time-warp was certainly in a weakened state due to this fact ---
'Round one...... fight!' called the old Amer-Indian announcer...
the scene took on the hue and look of an extremely sophisticated video game as played in 2010 on Sony Playstations.... Leonardo flew into the air and proceeded to throw knives that materialized out of nowhere, video-game like, which Vivaldo blocked by slapping away backhand-edly ... while still floating up in the air Leonardo summoned a storm over Vivaldi's head with an accompanying video-game like sound-effect like a gong or something -- the whole thing looked just like a video game -- the storm dropped lightening and hail on Vivaldi which he blocked by assuming the block position and radiating a protective forcefield which visibly surrounded him, he responded by doing a bouncing jump-move kick -- flying into the air and then bouncing off what would have been invisible walls delineating the edge of a tv-screen -- bouncing in unpredictable ways until finishing strongly with a flying punch that landed and floored Leonardo, causing him to lose half of his vitality points in the vitality bar floating above him showing his life force left.
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xlvi (posting 167)
da and michelangelo had relcoted their van to their vantage point and as they watched the race da vinci played with his i-phone......
'dude,' started up da vinci to michelangelo, 'my widget - ziggy, on my i-phone is telling me that the time-warp will see one Antonio Vivaldi come through warp soon in the town of Sedona, Arizona...
'vivaldi!!??', questioned michelangelo while he grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it into his face and listened to Miller scream from the underside of one of the trucks in the race.... Leonardo had surrepticiously added an apostrophe on his shirt before the 'M' in Miller and a dash after the 'M' to make it look like it said: 'M-iller (or (a)M iller).... 'who in blazes is that?'
'He's from Venice born in 1678 - a great composer and musician,' replied leonardo.
'and why do you want to rendez-vous?' asked Michelangelo.
'I have to kick his arse,' replied da vinci.
'why do you have to do that?' asked Michelangelo.
'becoz it says on Wikipedia that he is from Venice, and when i started selling crack-cocaine to the rich kids in Venice, LA, i swore a bloath oath to my suppliers, crips and bloods, bonez n thugs, that i would represent Venice come what may,' responded Da vinci.
'wait a second,' said Michelangelo as he watched a truck soar in the air in front of him while at the same time watching Miller under it on his i-Phone and listening to Miller scream.... 'let me get this straight, a great musician named Antonio Vivaldi is coming out of time-warp in Arizona,'
'sedona,' interjected Leonardo, interrupting him.
'...and you feel you have to kick his arse because you're sworn to represent a suburb of LA that happens to be called Venice and Vivaldi is from Venice Italy from the turn of the 18th century - some 200 years after my time ----- does that make sense?'
'maybe you wouldn't understand --- anyway, i don't care, we have to leave now,' said Da Vinci.
'now!? man?' Michelangelo was clearly flustered by this.
'word homey, if we don't leave right now we'll be late to rendez-vous, i have to represent man.'
'Jesus Christ man,' said Michelangelo all flustered but the white van not being his white van, realized Da Vinci could not be argued with on this point.
'Where's Miller?' asked Da Vinci and at precisely that moment, Brett Sloppy's truck landed in front of them and rolled into a number of people killing them and causing chaos.
'Jesus Christ!' said Michelangelo emphatically.
'Dude get Miller and let's get the hell out of here!' said Da Vinci, 'we're not doctors man, let's just get the hell on out of here.'
'okay, give me a minute to get Miller and just go ahead and take some photos.'
'dude,' started up da vinci to michelangelo, 'my widget - ziggy, on my i-phone is telling me that the time-warp will see one Antonio Vivaldi come through warp soon in the town of Sedona, Arizona...
'vivaldi!!??', questioned michelangelo while he grabbed a handful of popcorn and shoved it into his face and listened to Miller scream from the underside of one of the trucks in the race.... Leonardo had surrepticiously added an apostrophe on his shirt before the 'M' in Miller and a dash after the 'M' to make it look like it said: 'M-iller (or (a)M iller).... 'who in blazes is that?'
'He's from Venice born in 1678 - a great composer and musician,' replied leonardo.
'and why do you want to rendez-vous?' asked Michelangelo.
'I have to kick his arse,' replied da vinci.
'why do you have to do that?' asked Michelangelo.
'becoz it says on Wikipedia that he is from Venice, and when i started selling crack-cocaine to the rich kids in Venice, LA, i swore a bloath oath to my suppliers, crips and bloods, bonez n thugs, that i would represent Venice come what may,' responded Da vinci.
'wait a second,' said Michelangelo as he watched a truck soar in the air in front of him while at the same time watching Miller under it on his i-Phone and listening to Miller scream.... 'let me get this straight, a great musician named Antonio Vivaldi is coming out of time-warp in Arizona,'
'sedona,' interjected Leonardo, interrupting him.
'...and you feel you have to kick his arse because you're sworn to represent a suburb of LA that happens to be called Venice and Vivaldi is from Venice Italy from the turn of the 18th century - some 200 years after my time ----- does that make sense?'
'maybe you wouldn't understand --- anyway, i don't care, we have to leave now,' said Da Vinci.
'now!? man?' Michelangelo was clearly flustered by this.
'word homey, if we don't leave right now we'll be late to rendez-vous, i have to represent man.'
'Jesus Christ man,' said Michelangelo all flustered but the white van not being his white van, realized Da Vinci could not be argued with on this point.
'Where's Miller?' asked Da Vinci and at precisely that moment, Brett Sloppy's truck landed in front of them and rolled into a number of people killing them and causing chaos.
'Jesus Christ!' said Michelangelo emphatically.
'Dude get Miller and let's get the hell out of here!' said Da Vinci, 'we're not doctors man, let's just get the hell on out of here.'
'okay, give me a minute to get Miller and just go ahead and take some photos.'
Sunday, August 15, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xlv
as Botticelli slivered in and out of the borderline of sleep in his unusual body position -- with the mesmerizing melody of cicadas and crickets -- his cell phone on his table lit up in the darkness and quietly sang:
'you've got mail'
on the screen it said:
'dude, still in california -- will call u later, signed -'
back in california -- leonardo sat in his van and finished the sms he was working on by signing it simply:
'da'
--- his middle name, as it were........
next to him, michelangelo was really upset... the two had continued on their trip with Miller and their mead until they learnt of a desert off-road racing meet in the lucerne valley farther back closer to La (Los Angeles - not Louisiana) and decided to go back to check it out.......
while Leonardo left Michelangelo for a while to look at the different race cars and trucks and talk to sundry people at the event --- in his usual Da way -- with a view to milking information (about whatever topic) from people --- Michelangelo got busy with his own moves.... he had decided, as a joke, to gag and tie up Miller to the underside of one of the racing trucks --- to do this humanely --- he buffered Miller's back with a foam yoga mat and somehow already had a supply of art-design foam as used by the production design people in the movies to create any kind of size/shape lifelike looking object --- only to his foam, Michelangelo added a soft resin compound so that it would not dry hard so as to protect Miller's back and bones for when the truck was to land hard from an airborne manoeuvre....
as the piece-de-resistance Michelangelo added a gag to Miller's mouth to subdue his screams and produced a syringe and injected him with a liquid form of his beloved magic mushrooms.... Michelangelo laughed a sick laughter, for he was truly a very sick man, as his later artwork testified, including his totally sick, 'David' statue and fresco paintings from the Vatican with totally sick and gnarly images from hell.... as Michelangelo finished up and did his sick laugh, he heard footsteps and talk approaching and quickly hid behind some desert scrub and flora and such and watched as a driver entered the high cabin of the trip whereunder Miller was all tied up facing the ground with some 2 feet of distance between his nose and the ground and excellent cushion-y back support which would be sure to protect him, as Michelangelo was a genius and a humane person and didn't want to cause physical harm to Miller -- only to aggresively challenge his psyche.
Meantime Leonardo was out talking to people including driver's --- 'come and meet this guy, da,' said one happy californian to Leonardo and introduced him to one of the drivers -- 'this is Brett Sloppy, da!' (for Leonardo was going by his middle name, 'da' now)....
'Bred Sloppy, pleased to meet you,' said Leonardo --- unfortunately -- Leonardo had some kind of speech impediment when speaking English and very often pronounced his 't' sounds as 'd's -- so that many words like waiting invariably became 'wading' and Brett became Bred.........
Michelangelo came up to Leonardo from behind and said to him, 'dude, let's go, i want to show you something.'
'ok, later da,' said Mr. Sloppy as Leonardo left off with Michelangelo --- Michelangelo was no longer wearing his Michelangelo shirt as as soon as he had found out he was wearing it -- he had taken it off -- it didn't help that Leonardo said that the writing on it was activated by some device when the fibres in the cloth made contact with sperm it triggered the hidden fabric forming the letters and prints to become visible forever on in after that point...... in fact, Michelangelo was wearing a Miller beer shirt -- all black and emblazoned with the yellow Miller logo with its large M.
'Dude i want to show you where i want to watch this race start -- it's gonna start soon,' said Michelangelo.
'aight but let me get a veggie dog first,' responded Leonardo who was a famous vegetarian.
Michelangelo didn't give a farthing or even a tuppence for vegetarianism and got a regular dog with mustard and an energy drink called 'Nutz'.
Laden with food and drink, the two renaissance artists found an embankment or drift of sand as recommended by Michelangelo and the two began to watch in earnest as the trucks began their dangerous circuits --- Leonardo paid close attention to Mr. Sloppy's truck - perhaps the driver's mysterious name had a mystifying effect on Leonardo..... Michelangelo in turn held his i-Phone in his hand and watched it occasionally and listened to an audio-feed from it to his ear as it broadcast images of Miller being shot in night-vision and screaming as he tripped on mushrooms and flew in the air with each launch and land of his truck
'you've got mail'
on the screen it said:
'dude, still in california -- will call u later, signed -'
back in california -- leonardo sat in his van and finished the sms he was working on by signing it simply:
'da'
--- his middle name, as it were........
next to him, michelangelo was really upset... the two had continued on their trip with Miller and their mead until they learnt of a desert off-road racing meet in the lucerne valley farther back closer to La (Los Angeles - not Louisiana) and decided to go back to check it out.......
while Leonardo left Michelangelo for a while to look at the different race cars and trucks and talk to sundry people at the event --- in his usual Da way -- with a view to milking information (about whatever topic) from people --- Michelangelo got busy with his own moves.... he had decided, as a joke, to gag and tie up Miller to the underside of one of the racing trucks --- to do this humanely --- he buffered Miller's back with a foam yoga mat and somehow already had a supply of art-design foam as used by the production design people in the movies to create any kind of size/shape lifelike looking object --- only to his foam, Michelangelo added a soft resin compound so that it would not dry hard so as to protect Miller's back and bones for when the truck was to land hard from an airborne manoeuvre....
as the piece-de-resistance Michelangelo added a gag to Miller's mouth to subdue his screams and produced a syringe and injected him with a liquid form of his beloved magic mushrooms.... Michelangelo laughed a sick laughter, for he was truly a very sick man, as his later artwork testified, including his totally sick, 'David' statue and fresco paintings from the Vatican with totally sick and gnarly images from hell.... as Michelangelo finished up and did his sick laugh, he heard footsteps and talk approaching and quickly hid behind some desert scrub and flora and such and watched as a driver entered the high cabin of the trip whereunder Miller was all tied up facing the ground with some 2 feet of distance between his nose and the ground and excellent cushion-y back support which would be sure to protect him, as Michelangelo was a genius and a humane person and didn't want to cause physical harm to Miller -- only to aggresively challenge his psyche.
Meantime Leonardo was out talking to people including driver's --- 'come and meet this guy, da,' said one happy californian to Leonardo and introduced him to one of the drivers -- 'this is Brett Sloppy, da!' (for Leonardo was going by his middle name, 'da' now)....
'Bred Sloppy, pleased to meet you,' said Leonardo --- unfortunately -- Leonardo had some kind of speech impediment when speaking English and very often pronounced his 't' sounds as 'd's -- so that many words like waiting invariably became 'wading' and Brett became Bred.........
Michelangelo came up to Leonardo from behind and said to him, 'dude, let's go, i want to show you something.'
'ok, later da,' said Mr. Sloppy as Leonardo left off with Michelangelo --- Michelangelo was no longer wearing his Michelangelo shirt as as soon as he had found out he was wearing it -- he had taken it off -- it didn't help that Leonardo said that the writing on it was activated by some device when the fibres in the cloth made contact with sperm it triggered the hidden fabric forming the letters and prints to become visible forever on in after that point...... in fact, Michelangelo was wearing a Miller beer shirt -- all black and emblazoned with the yellow Miller logo with its large M.
'Dude i want to show you where i want to watch this race start -- it's gonna start soon,' said Michelangelo.
'aight but let me get a veggie dog first,' responded Leonardo who was a famous vegetarian.
Michelangelo didn't give a farthing or even a tuppence for vegetarianism and got a regular dog with mustard and an energy drink called 'Nutz'.
Laden with food and drink, the two renaissance artists found an embankment or drift of sand as recommended by Michelangelo and the two began to watch in earnest as the trucks began their dangerous circuits --- Leonardo paid close attention to Mr. Sloppy's truck - perhaps the driver's mysterious name had a mystifying effect on Leonardo..... Michelangelo in turn held his i-Phone in his hand and watched it occasionally and listened to an audio-feed from it to his ear as it broadcast images of Miller being shot in night-vision and screaming as he tripped on mushrooms and flew in the air with each launch and land of his truck
Friday, August 13, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xliv
a darkened office in Ohio .... a window in the wall revealed the depths of dusk until the final shimmies of sunlight were all but ready to fade out.... the office within was mostly unlit yet showed a painting of a scene from Bismark, North Dakota on a wall --- a pair of boots rested cross-legged on large heavy wooden office table --- a name badge at the front of the desk read:
Sandro Botticelli
a long match slipped against one of the boots and exploded into flame --- the flame in the darkened room led to a pipe which subsequently ejaculated short puffs of smoke -- the light from the smoke lit the smoker's face up.....
the smoker rested on his large, padded, comfortable office chair that was splayed back letting him rest his feet on the table.... the smoker's eyes dropped with sleepiness....... outside crickets thrummed
softly, in the background, the BBC played --- it was the first time one of the British announcers not only managed to not sound haughty, pompous and subsequently insecure, or just plain boring and redundant and astoundingly showed her true potential and intelligence in a non-dissappointing manner --- perhaps it was due to her subject matter and interlocutor: an autistic american woman who was an expert in slaying cattle for human consumption and a very eloquent and thinking person - also an author and university professor
Sandro Botticelli
a long match slipped against one of the boots and exploded into flame --- the flame in the darkened room led to a pipe which subsequently ejaculated short puffs of smoke -- the light from the smoke lit the smoker's face up.....
the smoker rested on his large, padded, comfortable office chair that was splayed back letting him rest his feet on the table.... the smoker's eyes dropped with sleepiness....... outside crickets thrummed
softly, in the background, the BBC played --- it was the first time one of the British announcers not only managed to not sound haughty, pompous and subsequently insecure, or just plain boring and redundant and astoundingly showed her true potential and intelligence in a non-dissappointing manner --- perhaps it was due to her subject matter and interlocutor: an autistic american woman who was an expert in slaying cattle for human consumption and a very eloquent and thinking person - also an author and university professor
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xliii
Evidently, Michelangelo wouldn't tire easily of watching Miller's bad mushroom trip with it's screams and physically unbalanced stumblings and flailings on the desert floor......... Michelangelo had started roasting shish-kebabs on the open fire and observed Miller's bad trip with the same interest he showed in getting an elbow just right (when sculpting)......... Leonardo wasn't so interested and decided to go dance to Mobey music near his van...... after a long while and a little lie down -- Leonardo returned to the fire to see that Miller was all tuckered out and sleeping --- Michelangelo had facilitated him with a bottle of milk like the ones babies use as well as putting a baby bonnet on his head.........
'where the hell did he get those extras from,' wondered Leonardo to himself.
'Dude,' said Michelangelo good spiritedly, 'tell me again what you want this guy for?'
Leonardo squatted to the desert floor and started doodling in the sand with a stick -- a shooting star above his head blazed gloriously across the sky (briefly).....
'Look,' he started, while scratching circles with diameters through them in the sand, 'you know when we came through the time warp -- there was a while before we were able to meet up again.'
'yeah you said you started selling crack cocaine to rich white kids and that's how you got the money for the van,' inserted Michelangelo.
'right, that's right,' rejoined Leonardo, 'but somehow i made contact with a representative of the government in a soup kitchen, a black man, he represented himself as part of the national security apparatus here ---- over a free soup kitchen meal, as we broke bread and ate, we had a long conversation about various matters and he gave me his business card and told him to present myself at Wright-Pat Airforce base in Ohio and give the guards this code,' continued Leonardo and flipped the business card over to show Michelangelo the code: SX32B...... 'he told me that he was going to put me in charge of an experimental division there and that i was free to assemble a suitable team to help me in my research effective immediately,' finished Leonardo.
'and this is who you want on your team,' said Michelangelo derisively, looking at Miller asleep on the desert from with his milk bottle and baby bonnet, snoring off a bad trip -- evidently Michelangelo was disgusted.
'Look man, i can teach this guy the basics on trigonometry, how to find Pi in everything -- and he's only one team member -- i have a mentally disabled person lined up too.'
'a retard?' said Michelangelo incredulously and obviously by his overall tone he was sceptical of the whole thing - but not surprised.
'yes,' rejoined Leonardo, 'a retard gives my team the strength of sincerity without the unwitting retardation of super-dooper cleverness.'
Michelangelo nodded his approval, this made sense.
'I also have a flaming homo on my team, just to keep things less anally-retentive -- this guy is really gay but somehow manages to act less gay and anally retentive than the straight people,' continued Leonardo.
'What's his background?' asked Michelangelo.
'Chemistry, he's a scientist,' retorted Leonardo.
'And the retard?' asked Michelangelo.
'What does it matter what he does?' said Leonardo and this answer pleased Michelangelo who responded by saying:
'well dude, i'm not surprised, i always figured back in italy you'd end up doing a lot of military-type work -- for the Medicis or whoever -- that's just you i guess,' said Michelangelo.
'well what are you gonna do?' asked Leonardo.
'I don't know yet, probably go to nyc and snoop around -- but tell me what this project is about?' asked Michelangelo good spiritedly once-again.
'A part of the military-governmental apparati is interested in how climate change and different weather conditions can affect the geo-political realities around the world in terms of America's enemies from unconventional, non-nation state threats, i.e., terrorists.'
'that sounds pretty interesting,' mused Michelangelo sympathetically.
'yeah, i'm sure it will be, i'm already giving it a lot of thought now -- you see this Miller guy,' said Leonardo as he pointed his stick in the direction of Miller, 'i hope you didn't damage his brain with your magic mushrooms, did you see his jawline? and the way his forehead meshes with his eyebrows and the way his head looks in general?'
Michelangelo made a facial gesture as if to say, 'maybe, but what of it?'
Leonardo added, 'he has the head of a born meteorologist'.
'where the hell did he get those extras from,' wondered Leonardo to himself.
'Dude,' said Michelangelo good spiritedly, 'tell me again what you want this guy for?'
Leonardo squatted to the desert floor and started doodling in the sand with a stick -- a shooting star above his head blazed gloriously across the sky (briefly).....
'Look,' he started, while scratching circles with diameters through them in the sand, 'you know when we came through the time warp -- there was a while before we were able to meet up again.'
'yeah you said you started selling crack cocaine to rich white kids and that's how you got the money for the van,' inserted Michelangelo.
'right, that's right,' rejoined Leonardo, 'but somehow i made contact with a representative of the government in a soup kitchen, a black man, he represented himself as part of the national security apparatus here ---- over a free soup kitchen meal, as we broke bread and ate, we had a long conversation about various matters and he gave me his business card and told him to present myself at Wright-Pat Airforce base in Ohio and give the guards this code,' continued Leonardo and flipped the business card over to show Michelangelo the code: SX32B...... 'he told me that he was going to put me in charge of an experimental division there and that i was free to assemble a suitable team to help me in my research effective immediately,' finished Leonardo.
'and this is who you want on your team,' said Michelangelo derisively, looking at Miller asleep on the desert from with his milk bottle and baby bonnet, snoring off a bad trip -- evidently Michelangelo was disgusted.
'Look man, i can teach this guy the basics on trigonometry, how to find Pi in everything -- and he's only one team member -- i have a mentally disabled person lined up too.'
'a retard?' said Michelangelo incredulously and obviously by his overall tone he was sceptical of the whole thing - but not surprised.
'yes,' rejoined Leonardo, 'a retard gives my team the strength of sincerity without the unwitting retardation of super-dooper cleverness.'
Michelangelo nodded his approval, this made sense.
'I also have a flaming homo on my team, just to keep things less anally-retentive -- this guy is really gay but somehow manages to act less gay and anally retentive than the straight people,' continued Leonardo.
'What's his background?' asked Michelangelo.
'Chemistry, he's a scientist,' retorted Leonardo.
'And the retard?' asked Michelangelo.
'What does it matter what he does?' said Leonardo and this answer pleased Michelangelo who responded by saying:
'well dude, i'm not surprised, i always figured back in italy you'd end up doing a lot of military-type work -- for the Medicis or whoever -- that's just you i guess,' said Michelangelo.
'well what are you gonna do?' asked Leonardo.
'I don't know yet, probably go to nyc and snoop around -- but tell me what this project is about?' asked Michelangelo good spiritedly once-again.
'A part of the military-governmental apparati is interested in how climate change and different weather conditions can affect the geo-political realities around the world in terms of America's enemies from unconventional, non-nation state threats, i.e., terrorists.'
'that sounds pretty interesting,' mused Michelangelo sympathetically.
'yeah, i'm sure it will be, i'm already giving it a lot of thought now -- you see this Miller guy,' said Leonardo as he pointed his stick in the direction of Miller, 'i hope you didn't damage his brain with your magic mushrooms, did you see his jawline? and the way his forehead meshes with his eyebrows and the way his head looks in general?'
Michelangelo made a facial gesture as if to say, 'maybe, but what of it?'
Leonardo added, 'he has the head of a born meteorologist'.
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