mumble mumble afghanistan, part 126

casting directors and talent scouts from LA flew out to Afghanistan in search of triple threats amongst the Taliban

'i'm a triple threat,' said one Talibani as he stood before the assembled team of talent scouts from LA in a downtown Kabul building with grimy walls and a slowly spinning giant fan that looked cool..... literally ... in a hot room, 'i can use an AK-47, set-up IEDs in the blink of an eye and i'm a goddam wizard when it comes to bringing down big-birds with shoulder-launched rocket grenades.'

'ok, that's not what we had in mind,' said the talent scout from Warner Bros, he was looking to fly some talent back to California and have them put on a show over the summer.... 'when we say a triple threat in showbiz we mean acting, dancing and singing.'

in furtherance to their search for a triple threat, the LA talent scouts posited that instead of delivering renditions of Shakespeare to demonstrate their acting skills, that aspiring comers instead tackle Sting:

'never forget the major Sting missives,' said the Warner Bros guy:

'discuss Sting; cuss Sting;'... and so on and so forth... many Talibanis, when they realized what it was the Americans were looking for, had very adverse reactions, some became so fear-stricken by the notion of singing, dancing and acting like some kind of moron thespian pansy that their testicles clamped up and shot back up inside their inner gizzards with-in, so deep inside them as they hadn't been since a few weeks before childbirth; yet others were so stricken with fear their anuses spastically shuddered spasmodically again and again and again unceasingly -- occasionally spewing forth poop ------ yet others were so incensed they immediatately became quadruple threats -- running for machetes and hacking LA production assistants willy-nilly.... some of them were so shocked by what the American talent scouts were seeking they immediately self-combusted - spreading exploding body parts everywhere without even wearing a bomb, just on the strength of an adverse psychological reaction -- yet others ran to save their sanity, making a bee-line to the nearest NATO troops to war with.....

Parker and Stone had given up on the giant ants and taken to shitting on eachother's chests ... Kiedis had inadvertently upset them by gagging that without potty humor their lives would be empty and meaningless.... this really upset both Parker and Stone but especially Stone....