you've heard of sean penn right? wasn't he in a whole bunch of movies and like in one of them he has a tear drop tattoo-ed next to eye or something? right? and he drinks alot of coffee or something to prepare for roles?
and now we bring you, a day in the life of sean penn
(insert days of our lives music here)
sean penn lies in a bed in a spare room/study... in a pensive, meditative mood... he throws his bubbly nerf ball at a wall covered in months of the year... april - fine that's when he'll kick it with chavez again --- maybe go to cuba too and meet fidel
he picks his nose -- he's found a winner -- he rolls it and daintily flicks it aside -- it lands with an audible thud somewhere
which script to choose? that was the question on his mind -- a busy working actor -- he decided to go with any role, even an action hero role, so long as it literally required the least physical masturbation and could be done in under 2 months
he looked again at his acting coach's list and tapped the clipboard it was on thoughtfully with a pen as he propped a further pillow behind his back....
10 times -- he circled it -- that was hands down the winner! his acting coach figured there was a role that would only require jerking off ten times and he could do it all in under 2 hours if he chose the role of wally the underwater leopard hunter..... what else did it involve? sacrifice a chicken? yes yes, do-able... jerk off on it? eww gross...... wear a hawaiin skirt and perform some weird ritual under clouds -- he could pull that off...... that seemed like the least labor intensive prepatory role and filming schedule.... circle
wow that looked interesting: DO NOT choose this role (the mighty slayer) --- you'll be jerking off twice daily while facing the north and eating a sack of turnips a day to prepare for it -- big no no
looked like the Mighty Slayer role would have to go to someone like Vin Diesel: he was proven to be able to tug 100 times a minute... that's talent
It was time to see what other writing talent was out there, script-wise... since the great Hollywood shake-up of august 2004... most Hollywood screenwriters realized the best way to write a script was to take an artistic approach like Jackson Pollock (or whatever his name was) -- some writers chose to have 20 chickens or so scratch random patterns with their feet, which they would spend hours interpreting whilst consuming drugs and then base their stories on the scratchings..... yet others would attend wild orgies where entire villages of men from africa were flown over to hollywood to jerk off on a basketball court and the way the come landed was left to expert interpreters to decipher and dictate which stories would be written.... then there were the chicken slayers of hollywood, these scriptwriters would sacrifice a chicken in a certain way so that its still beating heart would force its blood to squirt in random patterns on the ground, and again, like interpreting a psychological test, they would decipher what these markings meant and let them dictate a plot and storyline for their movies, and this is precisely why the standard of hollywood movies greatly increased after the shake-up of august 2004....
penn was aware of this and decided to read only good scripts by talented writers...
likewise, the cinematographic arts had likewise progressed, and don't think the academy hadn't noticed it -- in action movies, there were now people talented enough to ram a camera up their arsehole and then run around backwards capturing the live action of car chases and suchlike, this jumpy bouncy effect lent reality to various movies
No comments:
Post a Comment