as witherspoon/woods listened to the conversation below --- she was most surprised by the perfect English accents with which the party of six spoke --- all of them sounded like they were born and raised in England........ Fatima, the mother, continued in perfect English tones:
'well i daresay, i'll miss you boys, 't won't be the same without you, not sure how i'll get by in the harvest times,' she said, sounding like she was from Kent --- as she wiped a tear from her face,
'oh, hangabout,' she continued, 'who's this then?' she asked as a western looking soldier approached them
'allo, allo,' said one of the clerics, 'what's all this about then?'
'sir,' said the soldier, 'i've come to gauge your interest in growing oranges,'
'are you a christian crusader then?' asked the 2nd cleric with a cockney accent
'no sir, i'm a canadian,' responded the smart looking soldier
'corr, blimey, a cadadian, get about then! i'll have naught to do with you!' said the 3rd cleric, 'who's your commanding officer then?'
'my commanding officer is the major-general in charge of all canadian troops in afghanistan sir,' replied the canadian
'well hangabout, hangabout,' said the mother, Fatima, sounding very English indeed, 'who's the highest authority, under God, of the Canadian people,' she asked
'well that would be the Queen Elizabeth the II of England, ma'am,' replied the Canadian
'well, what's so Maaajeeestic about her?' replied the mother, Fatima, in sarcastic tones.......
Sunday, July 4, 2010
general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part xiii
general mcchrystal (whose real name was mcchrystal-meth) -- became extremely flamoxed at kike-end-dyke's response -- he wasn't military, so it couldn't be dealt with as the usual insubordination --- however his impudence has caused a temporary involuntary reaction in general mcchrysal-meth's throat -- it started to choke up and in his shock at kike-end-dyke's impudence he was only able to mumble: 'wha? wha?' as he struggled to swallow in his quickly drying mouth and throat....
'you heard me you son-of-a-bitch!' kike-end-dyke, the ex-four star general cum american ambassador to afghanistan said, 'i'm getting pretty fucking sick of eating take out Malaysian, where's my fucking Burger King you stupid son of a bitch!!!??'
at this mcchrystal-meth went deeper into shock and at the same time was preparing a tactical assault -- somehow -- in all the emotional chaos, he chose to go in for a tackle at the waist, followed by a pin-down to the floor and unrestrained facial beating from above --------- before he could do this, kike-end-dyke had thrown his Malaysian soup all over him, burning mcchrystal-meth's face in the process with the scalding liquids of Johor Bahru: 'you fucking son of a bitch!' kike-end-dyke said as he deftly swerved left of mcchrystal-meth's charge --- mcchrystal-meth was left to tackle a heavy table
outside the Tajiki passed by again on a ride-on lawn mower
kike-end-dyke was rolling up his sleeves and starting to go psycho mentally as mcchrystal-meth finished crashing against the table and prepared to get himself up:
'it's not much to ask for is it? just a fucking whopper is all! you son of a bitch! you're un-american!' he said, and with that he launched a kick into mcchrystal-meth's hind quarters
this was about all mcchrystal-meth was going to take - he was fully out of his stupor now and was about to kick some arse........ he got himself up nicely and performed a leg-sweeping move on kike-end-dyke -- bringing him down to the floor -- he administered two kicks of his own to the downed ex four star general and said the following:
'your mother was never a teeth-brusher, and i fathom that you're not much of a tooth-brusher neither,'
he mounted the desk he had just crashed into and prepared for a bundy-splat as his face burned intensely with the scalding fluids of Johor Bahru.....
'i'm sicking of eating that shit!' kike-end-dyke was heard saying....
* * *
meanwhile, on the other side of the country, in Kandahar, as witherspoon/woods looked out the large window of Omar as she performed her acupuncture......... a new scene played out before her in the garden outside Omar's house...... in a beautiful, picturesque scene surrounded by lovely trees and a beautiful, manicured garden with Japanese cherry-blosoms, an older woman - old enough to be a grandmother, two men aged around 30 and three more men, older still and dressed in clerical garb entered the garden beneath witherspoon/woods gaze and sat themselves at the garden table.....
one of the cleric's began talking:
'Fatima, we are here to give you thanks for the sacrifice of your two sons,'
'Today,' continued another cleric, 'they will commit hare-kari,' as he said this he picked a Japanese lotus-cherry flower and placed it on the table before the suiciders' mother, Fatima (not the 3rd wife of Omar, but a different Fatima)...
'Mother, we will be sorry to leave you, but we feel there will be no future for us, fortunately we do not have children and have not married, so our passing will impact only on you -- we are so sorry to leave you mother, but we do this for Allah as there is nothing left for us to live for.'
'Upshallom Allah,' said the 3rd cleric, 'there it is, we will pay you $10,000 in these marked U.S. bank notes for your help, Fatima.
The first cleric spoke up again, 'hence he will detonate here,' he pointed at a map he placed on the table, 'the other should detonate here, like this we take care of both entry and exit zones and achieve maximum impact....
'you heard me you son-of-a-bitch!' kike-end-dyke, the ex-four star general cum american ambassador to afghanistan said, 'i'm getting pretty fucking sick of eating take out Malaysian, where's my fucking Burger King you stupid son of a bitch!!!??'
at this mcchrystal-meth went deeper into shock and at the same time was preparing a tactical assault -- somehow -- in all the emotional chaos, he chose to go in for a tackle at the waist, followed by a pin-down to the floor and unrestrained facial beating from above --------- before he could do this, kike-end-dyke had thrown his Malaysian soup all over him, burning mcchrystal-meth's face in the process with the scalding liquids of Johor Bahru: 'you fucking son of a bitch!' kike-end-dyke said as he deftly swerved left of mcchrystal-meth's charge --- mcchrystal-meth was left to tackle a heavy table
outside the Tajiki passed by again on a ride-on lawn mower
kike-end-dyke was rolling up his sleeves and starting to go psycho mentally as mcchrystal-meth finished crashing against the table and prepared to get himself up:
'it's not much to ask for is it? just a fucking whopper is all! you son of a bitch! you're un-american!' he said, and with that he launched a kick into mcchrystal-meth's hind quarters
this was about all mcchrystal-meth was going to take - he was fully out of his stupor now and was about to kick some arse........ he got himself up nicely and performed a leg-sweeping move on kike-end-dyke -- bringing him down to the floor -- he administered two kicks of his own to the downed ex four star general and said the following:
'your mother was never a teeth-brusher, and i fathom that you're not much of a tooth-brusher neither,'
he mounted the desk he had just crashed into and prepared for a bundy-splat as his face burned intensely with the scalding fluids of Johor Bahru.....
'i'm sicking of eating that shit!' kike-end-dyke was heard saying....
* * *
meanwhile, on the other side of the country, in Kandahar, as witherspoon/woods looked out the large window of Omar as she performed her acupuncture......... a new scene played out before her in the garden outside Omar's house...... in a beautiful, picturesque scene surrounded by lovely trees and a beautiful, manicured garden with Japanese cherry-blosoms, an older woman - old enough to be a grandmother, two men aged around 30 and three more men, older still and dressed in clerical garb entered the garden beneath witherspoon/woods gaze and sat themselves at the garden table.....
one of the cleric's began talking:
'Fatima, we are here to give you thanks for the sacrifice of your two sons,'
'Today,' continued another cleric, 'they will commit hare-kari,' as he said this he picked a Japanese lotus-cherry flower and placed it on the table before the suiciders' mother, Fatima (not the 3rd wife of Omar, but a different Fatima)...
'Mother, we will be sorry to leave you, but we feel there will be no future for us, fortunately we do not have children and have not married, so our passing will impact only on you -- we are so sorry to leave you mother, but we do this for Allah as there is nothing left for us to live for.'
'Upshallom Allah,' said the 3rd cleric, 'there it is, we will pay you $10,000 in these marked U.S. bank notes for your help, Fatima.
The first cleric spoke up again, 'hence he will detonate here,' he pointed at a map he placed on the table, 'the other should detonate here, like this we take care of both entry and exit zones and achieve maximum impact....
general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part xii
approximately, fifteen days into woods/witherspoon's oedipus mission to kill her father and have sex with her mother, ex four-star general-cum-diplomat Ambassador kike-end-dyke (with an reverse french accent on the final 'a' in diplomat) sat at his desk talking to his pa as the two ate Malaysian food with a combination of chopsticks and a large spoon for the soup:
'fucking mcchrystal! that stupid son-of-a-bitch took away our Burger King! Fuck!'
at that moment, an intern rushed in:
'sir, terrible news, the blue-prints to the Kabul-safe-T-zone have been stolen!'
'stoles-den!!!' replied Ambassador kike-end-dyke, what a predicament! with the blue-prints stolen, the Kabul safe-T-zone would be vulnerable to terrorist infiltration and destruction.... just as he realized that, he saw a Tajiki ride by his tent window on a ride-on lawn mower and he farted - intentionally pushing the fart out for effect after the unsettling gases and juices of the Malay cuissine took effect -- and accidentally shit his pants:
'look,' he said to his PA, 'this won't do -- get me 100 nappies, like the ones used in long-distance flights, like the ones worn by the stealth bombers that flew out of Kansas all those years ago right after 9/11 and started this goddam war,'....
at that moment general macchrystal stormed into kike-end-dyke's office chewing on tobacco and constantly squeezing a hand-spring of 10-pound pressure.... occasionally he spat tobacco onto the floor:
'kike-end-dyke -- the safe-T-zone blueprints have been stolen and our most important base's security is now compromised! furthermore, intelligence reports that certain Taliban in the Kandahar region are actively seeking fissile materials through various agents from renegade agents in Russia and the Iranians!'
'well what do you think? you think i'm just sitting here with my dick in my hand eating Burger King?!! is that what you think?!!'
'fucking mcchrystal! that stupid son-of-a-bitch took away our Burger King! Fuck!'
at that moment, an intern rushed in:
'sir, terrible news, the blue-prints to the Kabul-safe-T-zone have been stolen!'
'stoles-den!!!' replied Ambassador kike-end-dyke, what a predicament! with the blue-prints stolen, the Kabul safe-T-zone would be vulnerable to terrorist infiltration and destruction.... just as he realized that, he saw a Tajiki ride by his tent window on a ride-on lawn mower and he farted - intentionally pushing the fart out for effect after the unsettling gases and juices of the Malay cuissine took effect -- and accidentally shit his pants:
'look,' he said to his PA, 'this won't do -- get me 100 nappies, like the ones used in long-distance flights, like the ones worn by the stealth bombers that flew out of Kansas all those years ago right after 9/11 and started this goddam war,'....
at that moment general macchrystal stormed into kike-end-dyke's office chewing on tobacco and constantly squeezing a hand-spring of 10-pound pressure.... occasionally he spat tobacco onto the floor:
'kike-end-dyke -- the safe-T-zone blueprints have been stolen and our most important base's security is now compromised! furthermore, intelligence reports that certain Taliban in the Kandahar region are actively seeking fissile materials through various agents from renegade agents in Russia and the Iranians!'
'well what do you think? you think i'm just sitting here with my dick in my hand eating Burger King?!! is that what you think?!!'
general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part xi
the french word for avocado is the same as the word for lawyer: avocat
general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part x
as witherspoon/woods went on applying acupuncture needles to the two brothers, Omar and Mushariff, she enjoyed the high she was enjoying... she had used a needle of a different kind to inject herself with heroin.... she felt great! -- 'shninki ploopsie,' she happily sang to herself in her mind.... strangely enough, the heroin she was currently on wasn't locally grown, although there was plenty of that from Omar to have, but rather she had gotten this from her special ops handler in the u.s. army -- 'try it out,' he said, 'it's from northern thailand, a little different to the locally grown stuff,'....... he went on to tell her about the profits he was making within the united states airforce courier-ing drugs around from place to place, often taped down inside the jet engines that sat on the the large wings of the transport planes....
her consciousness drifted back to Omar and his brother's conversation, her fingers unconsciously worked their magic with the acupuncture needles, so adept was she at this skill......... she heard Omar saying something about the need to procure nuclear or atomic bombs or even bomblets -- or materials they could use to make their own high impact bombs so as to end this thing once and for all --- 'Iran, China, Russia, there MUST be a way!' he roared as he pounded his fist down on a little table between the two beds where the two lay face-down -- some tea was upset by his fist slamming down...........
Witherspoon/Woods drifted back mentally to her father back in America, not her father from the Legally Blonde movie that put her through Harvard Law School, but her real father, Homer Simpson, she recalled with bitter shame the humiliation she felt when the motor vehicle he invented, 'The Homer', failed miserably.......... she remembered her second cousin, Allie Sheedy, and the documentary she made called, 'the Breakfast Club', and how, even then as a 23-year-old high school senior, she, like her father, had terrible personal hygiene and a love-affair with Afghanistan....... she raised her head from Omar's back and looked out the large glass windows to Kandahar below her....
her consciousness drifted back to Omar and his brother's conversation, her fingers unconsciously worked their magic with the acupuncture needles, so adept was she at this skill......... she heard Omar saying something about the need to procure nuclear or atomic bombs or even bomblets -- or materials they could use to make their own high impact bombs so as to end this thing once and for all --- 'Iran, China, Russia, there MUST be a way!' he roared as he pounded his fist down on a little table between the two beds where the two lay face-down -- some tea was upset by his fist slamming down...........
Witherspoon/Woods drifted back mentally to her father back in America, not her father from the Legally Blonde movie that put her through Harvard Law School, but her real father, Homer Simpson, she recalled with bitter shame the humiliation she felt when the motor vehicle he invented, 'The Homer', failed miserably.......... she remembered her second cousin, Allie Sheedy, and the documentary she made called, 'the Breakfast Club', and how, even then as a 23-year-old high school senior, she, like her father, had terrible personal hygiene and a love-affair with Afghanistan....... she raised her head from Omar's back and looked out the large glass windows to Kandahar below her....
general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part ix
afghanistan, you may be surprised to learn, has an internationally touring cricket team
general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part viii
witherspoon/woods went on before her now lit fire before the now empty dais of the so-called bamiyan buddhas..... as she stared into the embers of the fire -- she began to recall more of the previous weeks in flashback style -- there was a one week R&R flight to Paris, France... she walked down the champs-elysee away from the arch-de-triomphe and towards the similar, modern day arch of 'la defense'....... her special ops handler had ordered her to get R&R right there in Paris after her involvement in a suicide bombing days earlier...... she was walking in a small market-place in Kandahar listening to her i-pod -- her pink fatigues now blood-red with blood from soldiers and civilians of north america and afghanistan and pakistan... muslim, christian and buddhist.... as she walked along, listening to Avril Lavigne on her i-Pod.... she looked at shawls for sale, and knick-knacks from china --- she wanted something cute like the official shawl worn by Presiden Karzhai ---- suddenly the ground shook and she was aware of a ringing sound in her ears -- she looked up half expecting to see people around her laughing at her as she remembered a time from college when friends of hers placed 10 cigarrette bombs (instead of just one) in her cigarrette which led it to explode in her face leaving a butt in her mouth and her ears ringing....... when she looked up she was shocked to see a sloppy, grisly mess of body parts and blood around her, spattered everywhere.......
stoking the fire, still in her now red fatigues, she next recalled how after the suicide bombing she was sitting in a room with an army psychiatrist and how she began to cry as she recalled the event -- she had never cried like that before -- her throat burned and even hurt her as it felt lumpy inside her --- her lungs jerked open and closed spasmodically, out of her control -- she was hyperventilating --- warm tears streamed in rivers from her eyes --- the psychiatrist was going to just let her cry it out without administering any mild sedatives....
as she stoked the fire she tried to recall if the crying incident was before or after the first time she had sex with Omar Sharrif....
she went on to remember another time, she was with Omar Sharrif and his brother from the Taliban, placing acupuncture needles into their backs --- she listened to them converse in english with californian accents for her own benefit (so as she understand) -- instead of conversing in Pashtun.......... 'the Americans flew by lower base yesterday and dropped a load of money over us, two million dollars in total, all in marked $100 bills', Sharrif said to his brother, to which his brother Musharif responded, 'excellent, $10,000 for our russian minefield clearing exercise, $20,000 to fund our get-miniature nuclear-warheads drive, another $50,000 for arms and maintenance, we need more mortars and to insure that our shoulder-launched capabilities remain heat-seeking....... $100,000 for laptop computers and IT encryption...... the usual $1,000,000 for our tribe's paychecks, what do you suggest we do with the rest of it?'
stoking the fire, still in her now red fatigues, she next recalled how after the suicide bombing she was sitting in a room with an army psychiatrist and how she began to cry as she recalled the event -- she had never cried like that before -- her throat burned and even hurt her as it felt lumpy inside her --- her lungs jerked open and closed spasmodically, out of her control -- she was hyperventilating --- warm tears streamed in rivers from her eyes --- the psychiatrist was going to just let her cry it out without administering any mild sedatives....
as she stoked the fire she tried to recall if the crying incident was before or after the first time she had sex with Omar Sharrif....
she went on to remember another time, she was with Omar Sharrif and his brother from the Taliban, placing acupuncture needles into their backs --- she listened to them converse in english with californian accents for her own benefit (so as she understand) -- instead of conversing in Pashtun.......... 'the Americans flew by lower base yesterday and dropped a load of money over us, two million dollars in total, all in marked $100 bills', Sharrif said to his brother, to which his brother Musharif responded, 'excellent, $10,000 for our russian minefield clearing exercise, $20,000 to fund our get-miniature nuclear-warheads drive, another $50,000 for arms and maintenance, we need more mortars and to insure that our shoulder-launched capabilities remain heat-seeking....... $100,000 for laptop computers and IT encryption...... the usual $1,000,000 for our tribe's paychecks, what do you suggest we do with the rest of it?'
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