numbers

hail moron, son of dumbo (hurrah!).... here are some numbers to run by you: (statistics)

in this lifetime: there's a 1 in 2 chance you won't have access to good electricity or healthcare and clean running water

assuming you are one of the 'lucky' 1 in 2...... let's look at what some of these luxuries afford you:

1 in 2 chance of parents divorcing with an average of 1.673 parents after that of whom 89.5% will be heterosexual with the remainders split between gay/bi and polygamous

regardless, there's a 1 in 1.5 chance you'll be obese and die of heart failure before you reach age 70

there's every chance you'll have a low IQ and be one of those droolers you see on tv in the crowd watching a basketball game and picking up bits of pop corn from the floor and wagging your head around while you figure out if anyone saw you pick it up before you start chomping on it

if that weren't bad enough, with all those geniuses running around, what chance do you have of watching any decent TV? not much -- you'll have to stick with cartoons made by perverts like 'family guy' and 'simpsons'

there's a 0.00000000001% chance you'll make it to age 25 a non-pervert and virtually no chance you'll make it to age 40 a non-pervert unless you contract some kind of mental disability such as brought on by meningitis, etc

there's a 62-74% chance your kids will be raised by some other guy and they'll ending calling him dad and you curtis (if your name is curtis)

statistically, your chances of contracting alcoholism are practically guaranteed and your chances of using medications like anti-depressants, valium and anti-psychotics as well as sleeping pills are well over 50%

you have a 45-70% chance of cheating on or being cheated on by your partner (depending on how fat the two of you are)

and there's no chance your kids will take care of you if you're one of the 'lucky' ones that makes it over age 70

if you're poor you can forget about becoming rich unless you invent some machine that can recycle crap into human blood and even then you'd just be bought out by some corporation bigger than cuba and given an expired mcdonald's food voucher for your efforts

your chances of seeing something remotely intelligent on television are dwindling faster than the amazon rainforest which is now almost big enough to cover your momma who is so fat she'll soon die of diabetes leaving you a pair of knitted socks and a scarf and an expensive funeral debt to pay (this is not a poetic analogy to Mother Earth but a literal reference to yo' fat momma and the tiny rainforest left in the amazons)

if you're one of the 0.9% of the population that decides to suicide, take heart in knowing that 78% of first-attempters succeed and go to heaven, hell or somewhere inbetween

your miserable lifelong attempts to build a wall between the psycho-strangers out there (society) and your 'loved ones' statistically mean that should you be intentionally killed, it's 90% likely one of your own family members will kill you

the likelihood of you even considering to make a half-hearted attempt to search for the Truth (should it even exist) before puffing for the fridge door and the remote control for your TV are approximately 1 in sqwoogy*

*sqwoogy is an imaginary number in real mathematics, basically this formula states that if you ever saw something remotely resembling Truth you would probably turn around and run away from it, which, statisfically [sic] would be your first time running in 273 days, fatty




example of mindless/soulless television made by cocaine sniffing zombies whose souls permanently departed their bodies on average around age 23 and 8 months:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0286486/