The Black Rook was requested by the Military to gather some of his buddy's possessions and return them to the Military for processing -- this buddy, of course, would be the (King's side) Black Rook who had died in combat recently after being despatched to Dimension 7 (the afterlife) by Love of Hole.
The Black Rook was from Queens (NY) of course! But where was the now deceased (King's side) Black Rook from? Much of his life was a mystery to his friend from Afghanistan and the Military.
The Black Rook drank some Wild Turkey Bourbon and studied some of the chess games he had played against the (King's side) Black Rook: Queen sacrifice and mate with the Knight - in Dalian China with giant pieces sculpted with chainsaws from large ice-blocks measured in cubic feet.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 94
'coucou! tu fai quoi alors!' (hey! what are you doing?!) said Stone to Parker.
The two met up again after losing eachother (and Williams) at a little marketplace in Kandahar.
'Il faux que nous allons avec misseur Kiedis: to fight the ants,' said Parker (we need to meet up with mr. Kiedis: to fight the ants) to Stone.
And so the two marched gaily on to find Mr. Kiedis and take care of the wild ants. They talked as they walked,
'Est-ce que tu souvien l'episode du 2007, octobre, s'agit de l'monde de imagination,' (do you remember the episode from october 2007, - Imagination Land -?) asked Stone.
'Mai oui! Bien sur!' responded Parker (Oh but of course) - 'c'etait le -saga- quoi!' (that was the saga! of course!) responded Parker, injecting his speech with a little savvy usage of the alien English language demonstrating culture and polish.
'Alors, pourquoi nous avons utilisee le Kurt Russell, pour quoi no le Rhianna?', asked Stone (now why did we use Kurt Russell and not Rhianna?).
And on and on talked the two.... finally Stone confessed that a four month break for summer holidays was not enough and that he had received a big offer from Mitsubishi Motors of Japan to buy out his share of the South Park franchise. Parker was incensed but Stone insisted that he wanted to relocate permanently to the south of France to open a small cabaret bar and grill there and write songs and play the piano like Billy Joel in the 'Piano Man' song.
'C'est le folie, quoi!' thundered Parker, somehow magically opening his vocal passages in ways that no acting teacher could ever have shown him, nay, not even a magician, (But that's crazy, Jesus!)
Still, Stone insisted that Mitsubishi Motors had offered him a very healthy amount for his half of the franchise and that any company that could get people around the world to drive a 4WD marketed as the Pajero which only just 'south of the border' from France meant nothing other than 'Wanker' couldn't be all that bad.
Meantime Kiedis had managed to reconvert the first ant he had brought down (with the help of Parker and Stone) back to human form and had arranged for her to be flown to Los Angeles by the U.S. Military, actually to San Diego. At one of the largest U.S. Military bases in the world (in San Diego, just 2 hours or so south of Los Angeles and on the very border with Mexico and the 'end of the world', so to speak, Kiedis had arranged for some of his Hollywood/LA buddies to retrieve Kadeetha from San Diego and the military and bring her to Malibu where they would make her a star complete with modestly priced wardrobe of 30,000$ -- a mere nothing in Hollywood terms -- cocaine addiction -- a nice home of her own to rent in the Hollywood hills, acting lessons, etc........ such was the advance of freedom that in no time Kadeetha had gone from outcast 4th wife of the Taliban's leading Jihadist to giant venom-squirting 20-metre long ant with killer fangs to Hollywood starlet/slut with venereal diseases, no talent, a whiny voice and a cocaine habit.
The two met up again after losing eachother (and Williams) at a little marketplace in Kandahar.
'Il faux que nous allons avec misseur Kiedis: to fight the ants,' said Parker (we need to meet up with mr. Kiedis: to fight the ants) to Stone.
And so the two marched gaily on to find Mr. Kiedis and take care of the wild ants. They talked as they walked,
'Est-ce que tu souvien l'episode du 2007, octobre, s'agit de l'monde de imagination,' (do you remember the episode from october 2007, - Imagination Land -?) asked Stone.
'Mai oui! Bien sur!' responded Parker (Oh but of course) - 'c'etait le -saga- quoi!' (that was the saga! of course!) responded Parker, injecting his speech with a little savvy usage of the alien English language demonstrating culture and polish.
'Alors, pourquoi nous avons utilisee le Kurt Russell, pour quoi no le Rhianna?', asked Stone (now why did we use Kurt Russell and not Rhianna?).
And on and on talked the two.... finally Stone confessed that a four month break for summer holidays was not enough and that he had received a big offer from Mitsubishi Motors of Japan to buy out his share of the South Park franchise. Parker was incensed but Stone insisted that he wanted to relocate permanently to the south of France to open a small cabaret bar and grill there and write songs and play the piano like Billy Joel in the 'Piano Man' song.
'C'est le folie, quoi!' thundered Parker, somehow magically opening his vocal passages in ways that no acting teacher could ever have shown him, nay, not even a magician, (But that's crazy, Jesus!)
Still, Stone insisted that Mitsubishi Motors had offered him a very healthy amount for his half of the franchise and that any company that could get people around the world to drive a 4WD marketed as the Pajero which only just 'south of the border' from France meant nothing other than 'Wanker' couldn't be all that bad.
Meantime Kiedis had managed to reconvert the first ant he had brought down (with the help of Parker and Stone) back to human form and had arranged for her to be flown to Los Angeles by the U.S. Military, actually to San Diego. At one of the largest U.S. Military bases in the world (in San Diego, just 2 hours or so south of Los Angeles and on the very border with Mexico and the 'end of the world', so to speak, Kiedis had arranged for some of his Hollywood/LA buddies to retrieve Kadeetha from San Diego and the military and bring her to Malibu where they would make her a star complete with modestly priced wardrobe of 30,000$ -- a mere nothing in Hollywood terms -- cocaine addiction -- a nice home of her own to rent in the Hollywood hills, acting lessons, etc........ such was the advance of freedom that in no time Kadeetha had gone from outcast 4th wife of the Taliban's leading Jihadist to giant venom-squirting 20-metre long ant with killer fangs to Hollywood starlet/slut with venereal diseases, no talent, a whiny voice and a cocaine habit.
Monday, October 4, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: flight 93 (catch-22)
a military psychiatrist (non-Muslim) entered the room Parker, Stone and Williams were being kept in and grabbed a chair from along the wall and sat on it with the front of his body facing the back of the chair;
'Look, here's the deal,' said the shrink, 'we think you're crazy, but if you engage in homosexual activities then we cannot say you're crazy because we've advanced so much as a human race that we realize that gay people aren't mentally ill; however, if you don't engage in homosexual activities then all the evidence indicates you're mentally ill which means we would keep you here indefinitely for observation.'
'And you keep Bin Laden in the non-crazy section?' steamed Parker.
'He's not a suicide-risk and never was, he was more the scheming, instigating type - and so far as we know he hasn't engaged in any homosexual activity. So yeah, we lock him up in the normal section,' answered the shrink.
Stone looked at his Captain's bars on his green uniform and asked him,
'So if we start fucking eachother here then you're gonna release us?'
'I know it's odd, we call it Catch-22, but pretty much,' answered the Captain.
***
A few minutes later the three entertainers left the prison and walked around the Kandahar streets, certifiably sane. One of them burped and another blushed at the first's burp. Yet another wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
'Look, here's the deal,' said the shrink, 'we think you're crazy, but if you engage in homosexual activities then we cannot say you're crazy because we've advanced so much as a human race that we realize that gay people aren't mentally ill; however, if you don't engage in homosexual activities then all the evidence indicates you're mentally ill which means we would keep you here indefinitely for observation.'
'And you keep Bin Laden in the non-crazy section?' steamed Parker.
'He's not a suicide-risk and never was, he was more the scheming, instigating type - and so far as we know he hasn't engaged in any homosexual activity. So yeah, we lock him up in the normal section,' answered the shrink.
Stone looked at his Captain's bars on his green uniform and asked him,
'So if we start fucking eachother here then you're gonna release us?'
'I know it's odd, we call it Catch-22, but pretty much,' answered the Captain.
***
A few minutes later the three entertainers left the prison and walked around the Kandahar streets, certifiably sane. One of them burped and another blushed at the first's burp. Yet another wiped his mouth with his sleeve.
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 92
Ten minutes later Stone, Parker and Williams were declared mentally ill and brought up a level to the psychiatric section. Bin Laden and the others were left in the normal section of the brig.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 91
German General Blotz, representing NATO came down to the brig to see who had been arrested, among the arrestees were the now twice-arrested Osama Bin Laden, Parker, Stone, Williams and others..... Parker, Stone and Williams were very outspoken and cocky in their belief that they were wrongfully arrested and would be freed soon.
Blotz, walking along a row of arrestees held in submission by Afghani soldiers stopped before Parker, Stone and Williams and said that eternal chestnut of prison flicks:
'Looks like we got some heroes here, you guys some heroes?' said Blotz while he tapped the three with his Billy Club.
'Think you can f*ck with my Billy Club boys?' asked Blotz, 'bring it on then!' and hit the three a little around the legs with his Billy Club to show them who was boss.
Blotz, walking along a row of arrestees held in submission by Afghani soldiers stopped before Parker, Stone and Williams and said that eternal chestnut of prison flicks:
'Looks like we got some heroes here, you guys some heroes?' said Blotz while he tapped the three with his Billy Club.
'Think you can f*ck with my Billy Club boys?' asked Blotz, 'bring it on then!' and hit the three a little around the legs with his Billy Club to show them who was boss.
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 90
after Parker and Stone took to the field Osama scored and a riot ensued with loyalties in the fight overlapping simple American/non-American fraylines....... the riot police consisting of Afghani Police and NATO soldiers sprang into action and locked very many players in the brig.
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 89
Parker and Stone watching the game were furious they weren't allowed to play, and never moreso than when Mohammed Ali appeared during a time out to award Kiedis with his briches for an outstanding play. Now he would be eligible for a meddle or Medal (depending on your religion). This was more than the patriots of South Park could stomach.
'Dude this sux! There must be a way to get on the field so we can win our briches!' said Parker.
After venting more dissappointment, the two spotted a pretty young floor manager with a microphone/earphone headset and demanded to know how they could get on the field.
'There's a way, but you wouldn't want to do it,' she responded.
With this soothing light at the end of their tunnel, Parker and Stone realized there was a way -- and where there was a way, all that was needed was a will.
'You really wouldn't want to do it,' reiterated the cute floor manager.
***
Next thing was Stone was fucking Robin Williams up the arse while Williams sucked Parker's dick while he held Williams head by the hair.
The floor manager checked her stopwatch after a time and said, 'OK, that's enough,' and tossed the two players their cleats.
'Dude this sux! There must be a way to get on the field so we can win our briches!' said Parker.
After venting more dissappointment, the two spotted a pretty young floor manager with a microphone/earphone headset and demanded to know how they could get on the field.
'There's a way, but you wouldn't want to do it,' she responded.
With this soothing light at the end of their tunnel, Parker and Stone realized there was a way -- and where there was a way, all that was needed was a will.
'You really wouldn't want to do it,' reiterated the cute floor manager.
***
Next thing was Stone was fucking Robin Williams up the arse while Williams sucked Parker's dick while he held Williams head by the hair.
The floor manager checked her stopwatch after a time and said, 'OK, that's enough,' and tossed the two players their cleats.
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