what if jimmy fallon were Jesus Fallon?

mr. fallon walks down sunset boulevard with his apostles... one of them spots a squished cockroach and some ants munching it,

'who sinned master? the cockroach for being too slow to save its own life, or the person that inadvertently squished this cockroach?'

'neither, but that the ants could have something to munch on...'

then the same party found themselves in rancho cucamonga... why did they consort with the middle class? some skeptics asked... at a house party, the people lamented that there were no drugs neither alcohol

'openeth the pantry and ye shall find budweiser,' said Fallon, and it was done.... all marveled, now openeth the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bathroom and ye shall find weed... and it was just so... the people marveled

then the same group found themselves at rodeo drive... a woman dressed very expensively lamented that she would not be able to afford further plastic surgery because her home value had depreciated too much: then Fallon performed a miracle and she had a perfect nose

praise the Lord said his disciples