general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part lvii

after a nap induced from a small heart-attack resulting from the tasering -- Leonardo woke up --

'dude, sorry about that, it was an accident!' said Michelangelo .... Leonardo gave him the benefit of the doubt and climbed into the front part of the van and started sketching a new artwork.

'whatcha working on?' asked Michelangelo as he checked his navegator for distance remaining to South Park: 203 miles.

'i call it: insistence for shit, here i have-a (and now Leonardo began talking with a faux Italian accent like the cartoon guido selling you pizza on a TV near you) ... here i have-a the truth-a -- she's a sitting here by the side of the road -- and here the crowd is a runnin' for the shit -- ignoring the truth-a with all her beauty and the crowd is a crushin-itself fallin-over-itself-a trying to rub itself in shit-ta like so many pigs.'

'nice,' said Michelangelo.

'Michelangelo, before we stoppa in the South Parka -- i wanna buy some sausages to give to the creators as a blessing-a from me to them-a.'

'can do, lemme see if there are any sausage stores programmed into this thing,' said Michelangelo checking his navegator.

generalisimo petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part lvi

after the stop the threesome drove on a while and saw two women walking by the freeway hitching a ride, they were Lorena Bobbitt and Xena the warrior princess, Michelangelo was driving and pulled over next to the two women - he leant over to open the door next to Miller and then pointed his taser at Miller and said:

'jump out here amiche, this is where your ride ends,' said Michelangelo to Miller with fiery resolution.

Out went Miller and immediately Leonardo started piping up and whining,

'hey what r u doing man? that man won our hearts with his cooky and zany antics!' protested Leonardo....

zap zap zap zap zap

Michelangelo tazed Leonardo who was left splaying and rolling in electorific agony in the back of the van.... as Miller befriended his two new friends, Michelangelo pumped up some Metallica music (he was sick of listening to Leonardo's crap), adjusted the rear view mirror and bid adieu visually to Miller as he noticed a flash as of a reflection of steel in the rearview mirror and proceeded to program his gps navegator for South Park town centre and smoke a big fat spliff....

'boo ya,' said Michelangelo as he pulled up right behind a massive road-train doing 100 miles an hour on the freeday............. slipstream

generalisimo petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part lv

after Leonardo was done talking to the very Prophet Mohammed, sent from God Almighty, hallowed be his name......... he told 'Jeeves' to put the i-Mac into hibernate mode:

'why should i do this for you you dirty infidel? (hawking/spitting sound) - all the women in your family are dirty infidel sluts that should be stoned to death,' and with that adieu, 'Jeeves' put Leonardo's computer into hibernate mode wherein it remained silenced with an occasional blink and Leonardo folded it closed - placed it in his backpack by his side, slurped up the last of his smoothie and unburied his butt from his beanbag --

Leonardo commanded a roadside stop. Upon stopping Leonardo noticed smoke in the air..

'what's going on?' he asked.

'according to the radio there are some forest fires around the Boulder area -- they're being fanned by strong winds,' replied Michelangelo, 'that's what you're feeling now.'

'it's all Miller's fault,' said Leonardo, 'all this climate change isn't caused by excessive carbon dioxide in the air from burning coal and petrol for cars and electricity! of course it's not caused by 6 billion little monkeys -- it's caused by Miller's farts!'

'well that makes sense doesn't it?' replied Michelangelo.

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part liv

Leonardo started running his finger over his lip and zoning out....

''Jeeves'', said Leonardo to his computer, 'change your personality from bubbly to menacing Jihad-preaching cleric.'

'How about that you dirty infidel?' asked 'Jeeves' with its new persona.

'Yes, that's great 'Jeeves', thanks you for changing your online persona -- now, get me Mohammed the very Prophet on skype.

'It shall be done, wolla!' replied 'Jeeves'.

Skype opened up with its musical beeping...

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xliii

somewhere along a highway in colorado, leonardo pulled over and announced:

'i've had enough of driving, you drive Michelangelo.... and you Miller -- ride in the front with Michelangelo.'

Leonardo climbed into the back of the van which he had rigged out with Wi-fi (that he had left Miller free to use while blocking his access to send out-bound information over the net) -- he fired up his hi-powered Mac and squished his butt around a little in his bean-bag and plunged a magnificent foot-long straw into a giant tub of smoothie that he had previously made: Leonardo, was a typical Aries-like type and driven for life by a need to basically be famous and adored -- he was also generous, bossy, and prone to be impatient... he flicked open a project he was working on on Corel Draw and Auto-Cad (an engineering program) --- it wasn't a staircase for choir singers to stand in so that they would be at pleasing obtuse angles and criss-cross patters, no, it was a giant, mean, spring-locked 10-yard long blade that would unload and literally chop off the legs of an invading army as they tried to penetrate a narrow breach or city wall: Leonardo thought back to the Russian invasion of Georgia in 2008 and wondered how the events there would have turned out if the Georgians had mounted his leg-chopper at the entrance to the only tunnel leading into Georgia from Russia: most likely the Russian tanks would have crushed it - still, the Georgians were fools, at that point of the game, at least, to not have dynamited the tunnel closed.'

One might ask: why did Leonardo spend time and energy inventing giant spring-locked 10-yard long blades that would chop the legs of soldiers off as they approached a portal in a wall or defense.

Leonardo did not ask this, instead he watched a re-run of some Hollywood epic from the 1930s, in Technicolor wherein Jesus was asking Paul why he was persecuting his Apostles and trying to get them all killed.

'This sux,' said Leonardo to himself: 'Jeeves,' he addressed his killer-app on his Mac that was an all-in-one voice recognition technology driven secretary with the personality of a loveable and bubbly California beach babe (of course this personality could be switched to a morbidly depressed suicidal type or an angry Jihad-preaching cleric as per the user's preference)...

'yessir Mr. Da Vinci,' responded the computer's voice in 'Jeeves' the wonderful online assisstant.

'Get me Stalin,' requested Leonardo to Jeeves.

Skype opened and started dialling a number with a beep beep tone.

'And Jeeves, get me St. Peter, and show me their status stats on the screen.'

'Roger roger Leonardo,' answered the colorful and bubbly Californian beach babe manifesting 'Jeeves' technology (patent pending).

Status info for St Peter came up first: a Tacoma SUV in Tacoma Washington with Ska Punk musical rendition of the Flintstones blasting from its sound system, St Peter was alone within and driving the SUV and listening to the Ska Punk rendition of the Flinstones.

'Jeeves, have Stalin connect to me if the call is answered.'

'Coming thru now Mr. Da Vinci,' responded 'Jeeves' immediately, simultaneously posting info for Stalin: Status: incarnate - awake (not sleeping).... Belly: Fed....

Leonardo had designed a motif to show superimposed on Stalin's image or streaming video which read: Tearer Ink ...... ('Tearer' as in the word describing the person that tears an object, e.g., paper, cardboard) - it was a play on words for: Terror Inc, as in fact, Leonardo was already building up a massive paramilitary force, or 'well armed-militia' in Constitutional jargon, as a manifestation on his innate desire to rule and dominate: the typical Aries indeed.

'Stalin,' commenced Leonardo to his secretary, 'i am interested in doing a dry-run, call it a probe: a Sarin powder attack on Portland, Oregon, no casualties: just a little something to baffle the American power-structure and throw another obscure curve-ball to the idiot masses.'

'You're rationale Leonardo,' inquired Josef Stalin, world's ultimate dictator and power-player.

'I just want to keep the engine's wheels greased, i have my reasons, believe me, i have fed the numbers into the machine, crunched bookfuls of statistics, done the math, written the logarithms and pronounced the parabolic calculus fit.'

'Yessir Leonardo, i'll have it done,' responded Stalin, and Stalin, being the history's greatest example of state-run Terror, was to be believed. 'Leonardo?' prompted Stalin after a moment's pause.

'Yes Iosef,' said Leonardo as he looked at the Georgian script that ran along his motif of Tearer Ink -- what a fascinating looking alphabet thought Leonardo to himself.

'Just wondering if you thought about Eureka in Topeka?' said Stalin wickedly. Of course Leonardo knew it was one of Stalin's obscure jokes but it did grab his attention in some abstract subconscious way and he mentally filed the notion away while bidding adieu to Stalin for the moment.

'Jeeves' cut back over the computer's operating system and informed: 'Mr. Da Vinci, Saint Peter has a security question blocking access to incoming phone calls from unidentified internet callers.'

That was strange. 'What is the question 'Jeeves'' asked Da Vinci.

'What color or colors were the two urns that the water-bearers carried on their left-shoulders as they entered a door within a minute of each-other, indicating to Apostles James, James the lesser and Bartholomew the precise location of the Last Supper,' asked 'Jeeves'.

'Well, goodness gracious,' answered Leonardo, 'certainly only Jesus and those three Apostles would have known that.' Leonardo knew that the twelve apostles entered four different doors in groups of three which were indicated to the Apostles by secret codes which only Jesus knew about and which he Himself had organized.

'Mr. Da Vinci,' responded the bubbly 'Jeeves', 'Saint Peter's in-vehicle computer system is saying that your answer is intelligent but that you are a dangerous dick-ead and need to be shot like so many dangerous animals.'

'Alright that's fine,' said Leonardo extremely flustered all of a sudden by Saint Peter's arrangements, his eyes narrowed, his nostril muscles shrilled and he intook breath and the muscles in his hands rippled as he cracked his muscles there, 'you just leave a message with Saint Peter for his people to beware of travelling in and around Portland Oregon around September 11th of this year -- especially if they are around a post office!!!!' commanded Leonardo in a huff and with that he shut 'Jeeves' down.

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part lii

Leonardo and Michelangelo started talking between themselves in Italian for the first time -- an Italian older than Vivaldi's and older than that of Mozart's Italian operas.......

cazzo......

'that's: one --- eight --- teen,' said one of the renaissance artists in (really) old Italian.

cazzo......

the other retorted: 'what about: won, ate, dean,'??

cazzo.......

Leonardo announced that he needed to make a phone call -- he excused himself to the van and played some Sean Paul music which got Miller's toe-tapping in the back of the van.... Leonardo lit a cigarette up and ashed..... a movie director filming the moment might have caught a shot of his crisp white wrist collar with a small emblematic Christ/Px emblazoned on it and a smattering of ash drifting around it like snow after Leonardo snapped the cherry on his cigarette.....

D...E...F....G --- the letters rolled down Leonardo's I-Phone until it found entry: Genghis Khan.......

'Genghis,' said Leonardo into his I-phone as he held it an inch or so from his mouth with speaker-phone on -- he pronounced Genghis: Jen -- gis

The two historical characters conferred......... again, a movie director might have been pleased to shotlist and film the scene with a shot of Genghis at the other end writing some notes down in a small notebook, 'the wolf' style a-la-pulp-fiction:

Stan (black), Rosemary (white), Michael (white), teen, dean, 1 - 8

'ok Leonardo, i'll take care of it,' said Genghis Khan reassuringly and disconnected the call.

Leonardo with resolution in his step re-entered the petrol-station.

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part li (part 51)

leonarod-ardo and michelangelo along with miller re-ascended into michelangelo's van and left sedona --- they were driving towards colorado --- leonardo watched downloaded repeats of bill o'reilly on his i-pod ---

'look Miller, here's footage of you!' said Leonardo, 'there's no foot in the shots though.'

Leonardo began to think that Michelangelo's administration of magic mushrooms and unusual activities like off-road racing were beginning to have a positive effect on Miller's psyche........

The trio stopped at a service station..... they were met in turn by a trio of Australians at the service station who worked there: Rosemary Church from CNN and Stan Grant and the white English-Ossie guy....... the three of them worked there with the black guy doing the most menial work...... the Australian flag flew over the petrol station.....

'I'll pump it myself,' said Leonardo --

'Okay,' said Grant -- the two white english-ossies, Church and the guy came over with a haughty, i'm the boss, are you sure you're not mentally ill if you think you can mess with me/god save queen elizabeth attitude.

Michelangelo went inside to pay the bill...

'That's a-dean dollars,' said the white english-ossie guy from CNN.

'What? what's a-dean dollars? what does that mean?' asked Michelangelo.

Leonardo, who had secured Miller in the van, came inside the cash register area,

'What's going on?' he asked.

'You gotta pay a-dean dollars for that petrol,' explained the english-ossie guy from CNN.

'what's a-dean? that's someone that runs a university,' said Leonardo....