somewhere along a highway in colorado, leonardo pulled over and announced:
'i've had enough of driving, you drive Michelangelo.... and you Miller -- ride in the front with Michelangelo.'
Leonardo climbed into the back of the van which he had rigged out with Wi-fi (that he had left Miller free to use while blocking his access to send out-bound information over the net) -- he fired up his hi-powered Mac and squished his butt around a little in his bean-bag and plunged a magnificent foot-long straw into a giant tub of smoothie that he had previously made: Leonardo, was a typical Aries-like type and driven for life by a need to basically be famous and adored -- he was also generous, bossy, and prone to be impatient... he flicked open a project he was working on on Corel Draw and Auto-Cad (an engineering program) --- it wasn't a staircase for choir singers to stand in so that they would be at pleasing obtuse angles and criss-cross patters, no, it was a giant, mean, spring-locked 10-yard long blade that would unload and literally chop off the legs of an invading army as they tried to penetrate a narrow breach or city wall: Leonardo thought back to the Russian invasion of Georgia in 2008 and wondered how the events there would have turned out if the Georgians had mounted his leg-chopper at the entrance to the only tunnel leading into Georgia from Russia: most likely the Russian tanks would have crushed it - still, the Georgians were fools, at that point of the game, at least, to not have dynamited the tunnel closed.'
One might ask: why did Leonardo spend time and energy inventing giant spring-locked 10-yard long blades that would chop the legs of soldiers off as they approached a portal in a wall or defense.
Leonardo did not ask this, instead he watched a re-run of some Hollywood epic from the 1930s, in Technicolor wherein Jesus was asking Paul why he was persecuting his Apostles and trying to get them all killed.
'This sux,' said Leonardo to himself: 'Jeeves,' he addressed his killer-app on his Mac that was an all-in-one voice recognition technology driven secretary with the personality of a loveable and bubbly California beach babe (of course this personality could be switched to a morbidly depressed suicidal type or an angry Jihad-preaching cleric as per the user's preference)...
'yessir Mr. Da Vinci,' responded the computer's voice in 'Jeeves' the wonderful online assisstant.
'Get me Stalin,' requested Leonardo to Jeeves.
Skype opened and started dialling a number with a beep beep tone.
'And Jeeves, get me St. Peter, and show me their status stats on the screen.'
'Roger roger Leonardo,' answered the colorful and bubbly Californian beach babe manifesting 'Jeeves' technology (patent pending).
Status info for St Peter came up first: a Tacoma SUV in Tacoma Washington with Ska Punk musical rendition of the Flintstones blasting from its sound system, St Peter was alone within and driving the SUV and listening to the Ska Punk rendition of the Flinstones.
'Jeeves, have Stalin connect to me if the call is answered.'
'Coming thru now Mr. Da Vinci,' responded 'Jeeves' immediately, simultaneously posting info for Stalin: Status: incarnate - awake (not sleeping).... Belly: Fed....
Leonardo had designed a motif to show superimposed on Stalin's image or streaming video which read: Tearer Ink ...... ('Tearer' as in the word describing the person that tears an object, e.g., paper, cardboard) - it was a play on words for: Terror Inc, as in fact, Leonardo was already building up a massive paramilitary force, or 'well armed-militia' in Constitutional jargon, as a manifestation on his innate desire to rule and dominate: the typical Aries indeed.
'Stalin,' commenced Leonardo to his secretary, 'i am interested in doing a dry-run, call it a probe: a Sarin powder attack on Portland, Oregon, no casualties: just a little something to baffle the American power-structure and throw another obscure curve-ball to the idiot masses.'
'You're rationale Leonardo,' inquired Josef Stalin, world's ultimate dictator and power-player.
'I just want to keep the engine's wheels greased, i have my reasons, believe me, i have fed the numbers into the machine, crunched bookfuls of statistics, done the math, written the logarithms and pronounced the parabolic calculus fit.'
'Yessir Leonardo, i'll have it done,' responded Stalin, and Stalin, being the history's greatest example of state-run Terror, was to be believed. 'Leonardo?' prompted Stalin after a moment's pause.
'Yes Iosef,' said Leonardo as he looked at the Georgian script that ran along his motif of Tearer Ink -- what a fascinating looking alphabet thought Leonardo to himself.
'Just wondering if you thought about Eureka in Topeka?' said Stalin wickedly. Of course Leonardo knew it was one of Stalin's obscure jokes but it did grab his attention in some abstract subconscious way and he mentally filed the notion away while bidding adieu to Stalin for the moment.
'Jeeves' cut back over the computer's operating system and informed: 'Mr. Da Vinci, Saint Peter has a security question blocking access to incoming phone calls from unidentified internet callers.'
That was strange. 'What is the question 'Jeeves'' asked Da Vinci.
'What color or colors were the two urns that the water-bearers carried on their left-shoulders as they entered a door within a minute of each-other, indicating to Apostles James, James the lesser and Bartholomew the precise location of the Last Supper,' asked 'Jeeves'.
'Well, goodness gracious,' answered Leonardo, 'certainly only Jesus and those three Apostles would have known that.' Leonardo knew that the twelve apostles entered four different doors in groups of three which were indicated to the Apostles by secret codes which only Jesus knew about and which he Himself had organized.
'Mr. Da Vinci,' responded the bubbly 'Jeeves', 'Saint Peter's in-vehicle computer system is saying that your answer is intelligent but that you are a dangerous dick-ead and need to be shot like so many dangerous animals.'
'Alright that's fine,' said Leonardo extremely flustered all of a sudden by Saint Peter's arrangements, his eyes narrowed, his nostril muscles shrilled and he intook breath and the muscles in his hands rippled as he cracked his muscles there, 'you just leave a message with Saint Peter for his people to beware of travelling in and around Portland Oregon around September 11th of this year -- especially if they are around a post office!!!!' commanded Leonardo in a huff and with that he shut 'Jeeves' down.
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