general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part lxiii

back at South Park -- Kiedis, the lead singer from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers had taken a seat on a couch in front of a TV after having sat on a tall stool behind a professionally lit white back drop (of white sheets) for Karen and Martha to professionally take his photograph smelling a flower and wearing a ring of flowers in his hair for Leonardo's latest painting: Jesus, every day one crosses into California illegally ......... after the correct photographs were taken, Martha and Karen were free to disassemble the photo shoot area and in fact, Karen administered to Kiedis who complained of sore feet after an insane past few day that nobody wanted to really know about by positing a little basin of hot-salted waters for Kiedis to place his feet in before the television which played French movie Amelie Pulin.

As Leonardo sat before his easel nearby Kiedis preparing his painting by actually painting in his foundation background colors , both livers sipped their Frappucinos....... on the unwatched television in the next room, the State of the Union debate played on...

a reporter from Rolling Stone magazine was also hanging about with Kiedis on the couches along with Martha and Karen that were buzzing in and out and one or two other South Park Comedy Central production team women that wanted to hang out with Kiedis....... the Rolling Stone supporter was currently on acid (lysergic) and tripping at the colors in the French movie..... Kiedis wouldn't let anyone know what had gone on in the past few days but there must have been some insane partying going on -- he was shirtless and glistening with sweat despite the aircon -- some of the women fussed about his Indian tattoos...... at this point, Kiedis sniffing his flower, uttered his most mysterious, profound utterance that he ever uttered or ever would utter until his final expiration on this giant marble rolling through the limitless meadows of stars and black universal void:

"One of you is going to be Trey like Jesus," were his famous words. Everybody that was there to witness it recalled it the same way, but historically nobody knew what he meant:

One of you is going to betray like Jesus -- as if Jesus were going to be betrayed

or

One of you is going to betray like Jesus -- as if Jesus were somehow capable of imperfection and therefore of betraying

or

One of you is going to be Trey (presumably Parker) like Jesus -- as if Jesus was somehow like Trey Parker

or

One of you is going to beat tray like Jesus as if Jesus somehow was a person known for beating trays (eg., those used in photocopying machines or school cafeterias and cafeterias in general)

or

One of you is going to beet ray like Jesus referring to the beetroot vegetable and a mysterious ray....

there was no telling what Kiedis meant but after Rolling Stone reported it along with one of the photographs of him in his flower pose and a write-up on Da Vinci's commissioning of his new painting -- there was all kinds of brew-ha-ha across the world about religion and christianity and Islam --- Kiedis' previous remarks like Allah flying in a spaceship seemed as nothing compared to his: "one of you is going to be Trey like Jesus" --- even Leonardo didn't know if he meant like as to like someone as in love or like as in a preposition simply meaning as or in the same way as.......

regardless -- in the next room, on the unwatched CNN the lively panel debate with Lucas, Petraeus and a number of other geo-political experts had deteriorated into a bitter shouting match over which Jedis and dark-side-of-the-force Jedis had the most midiclorians --- one person posited that Count Dooku did, the next that Luke Skywalker was the greatest, the next that Yoda was, the next that Darth Maul or even Darth Sidious had the most midiclorians -- some even argued that Jedis of the dark side of the Force could not have midiclorians but potti-clorians --- there was no telling.....

Blitzer and King, having finished their day's work for CNN in CNN's Manhattan studios -- both proceeded to undress right by their respective drums and guitar/amp/pedal set-up as soon as the floor manager called, 'and we out,'.... both of them had sporting outfits underneath their suits: Blitzer sported white tennis shorts and a white tennis shirt, long white forearm wrist/sweatbands and a white forehead strap/sweatstrap -- he changed his shoes to excellent sport shoes for playing tennis, picked up a racket and started fixing its strings and placed it in a black loose billowing bag on his back that read 'Wilson'.... King was wearing loud colorful baggy shorts and shirt and left his green transparent poker cap on, kept his sports shoes on and wore a similar bag on his back which he placed a basketball into ---

both players left the studio via the window and started skateboarding their way towards Greenwich Village in Manhattan which they were relatively close to.... the traffic going in their direction was gridlocked -- the soundtrack played Snoop Dogg's version of Riders on the Storm....... both players were master skateboard riders -- they described large fishtails on the non-gridlocked side of the road as they rode on it into oncoming traffic of which there was very little......

King kicked with his left leg despite playing drums in the conventional right-legged manner -- like birds of prey with room to move on the non-trafficky side of the ride -- they first spotted a police-car gridlocked into a middle lane -- a policeman or woman (indecipherable) sat with a take-out coffee cup and an elbow bracing out of an open passenger side window -- King swooped in and agilely swept his way up the lane and knocked the coffee onto the police officer within and said:

'Oops!' said King as he kicked on, the officer within the car was painfully burnt with scalding coffee.

Blitzer saw some kids standing by the road on the sidewalk holding ice-creams and drinks -- Blitzer rolled up close and mightily forehead slapped one kid with an open palm while taking his strawed soda with the other hand and saying:

'Move it or lose it grandson!'

The kids on the pavement started complaining about 'the older generation,' and 'old people today,' and how having to pay old people's pensions would drive them and the economy into the ground.

Both players made an incredibly beautiful 90 degree turn into another busy road merely by leaning back towards the direction they wanted to turn into at 30 degree angles....... on the corner was a very obese man who threw something for King to catch which he did gracefully as he described his long turn,

"My african-American!! I'll pay you for that this weekend
for that."

To which the man on the street nodded.

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xlii

good day to be alive sir...

back at South Park.... all hands were on deck at comedy central studios -- it was production time....... Michelangelo had decided to branch off and do his own thing on some of the advanced computer equipment there using an advanced animation program with advanced rendering functions........ Michelangelo was buried in concentration --- his world seemed to involve one main frame of a woman photographed at close up - mid calf on up in the process of clearing a hurdle in an Olympic dash...... clearly Michelangelo was trying to do something with this main image as he had a number of other related images, some of them moving, featuring a loop of the hurdler clearing the same hurdle again and again.... the main photo Michelangelo worked on showed a powerful bust relief: abdomens, thighs, knees and sinews, arms and a neck.........

Leonardo too busied himself with a simple concept, a close up image to be painted on a canvas the old-fashioned way --- Leonardo had already greased up his canvas with a spread consisting of olive oil and egg-yolk giving his canvas enduring strength --- although he didn't know the singer from the Red Hot Chili Peppers from a bar of soap, he had come across his photograph and decided he wanted to use the man's image as the basis of his potrait of a Saint..... Leonardo was impressed during his stay in California by the amount of illegal Mexicans named Jesus that he wanted to subtitle his painting: Jesus: every day one crosses into California illegally .......... the folks at South Park's production company had kindly accomodated to both Michelangelo and Leonardo and surprisingly were even able to arrange for the actual singer of Red Hot Chilli Peppers to sit before Leonardo like some Mona Lisa, wearing a ring of flowers on his head -- his hair combed out straight and hanging straight down, a flower in his hand held close to his nose.

"We'll take his photo like this Mr. Da Vinci and then he'll be free to rest his hand and arm," said Karen and Martha from the South Park production company.
"Eh?? Frappucino??" Mouthed Da Vinci with a slightly delighted curiosity as he surveyed (one of) the cup(s) labelled 'Frappucino' left by him (and Kiedis). The two women smiled at his new discovery.


The South Park creators including Parker and Stone were busy in a planning room discussing legal issues for their next show: they wanted to lambast Oprah and have Oprah telling audience members to shit on each other's chests -- making the point that too many people out there are willing to do whatever Oprah tells them to do -- with the paedophile priests plotline, Stone explained to artists that he wanted one shot to show a helicopter scooping the priests from traps laid in the ground and then carrying them over a tiny ways in the same shot to be dropped off at the Associated Press HQ to explain themselves and beg their forgivenesses,

"Make sure it's all in the same shot, so we'll just pan over," said Stone.

In a lunch-room with a microwave, coffee-machine and table-tennis table that no-body in the busy centre was currently using, CNN played on an unwatched TV....

the Eastern European lady that was from Greece on CNN, Vassileva, was explaining that State of the Union would be next and would feature movie director George Lucas and U.S. Army General Petraeus and a number of experts on climate change and geo-politics....

with the transition to the CNN show 'State of the Union' with Wolf Blitzer..... the usual timpani drums and orchestral music commenced -- as to be expected for such a show -- so often were the humble timpani drums and deep-stringed instruments like the viola used to project American grandeur,

however, this time, a surprise was in store for all viewers..... unexpectedly, after the dramatic 3 second countdown from the CNN control room to Blitzer's State of the Union show, there in the 'Situation Room' was Wolf Blitzer with his usual immaculate suit and shiny black shoes -- but this time he was adorned with a long-necked electric guitar and a number of cables hanging from it to some electric guitar pedals at his feet -- behind him was Larry King in his suspenders and crisp dark long-sleeved shirt and an excellent pair of heavy drumsticks in his hands and large percussion set up before him as typically used by a rock band - Mr. King also sported a gay-looking sun-visor like the ones poker players sometimes wear ....

the dramatic timpani and stringed-instruments in the lead up to State of the Union with Wolf Blitzer were actually the opening bars of Metallica's "No Leaf Clover" --- what followed was more pure American Glory delivered in a flawless and masterful rendition of this Metallica classic by Blitzer on lead guitar and singing and King on drums than the two could ever have hoped to have mustered after three decades gas-bagging before the tired camera.........

Blitzer had evidently studied Hendrix's guitar style in his free time as his usage of forehand, non-thumb picking plucking style and masterful fretting up and down the long guitar's neck fretboard as he occasional changed his pedal settings at his feet while delivering, note for note, a flawless rendition of this song which sometimes requires fluctuations from almost falsetto to baritones.......... King followed behind him flawlessly delivering staccato ripples on his large bass drum and machine-gun snare-drum riffs -- his arms a symphony of music as they rose and fell time after time executing perfect drumrolls and riffs like a Russian gymnast at the Moscow Olympic games delivering (what even the North American judges of Canada and the USA would consider as) a perfect 10 routine.......

after this magnificent gift to humanity -- perhaps the only true gift either man ever gave to humanity in the long series of their respective Souls pilgrimages from baby to baby through the centuries and across the universe covering various planets...... after this magnificent musical feast, George Lucas, General Petraeus and a number of experts discussed the ramifications of the inevitable Himalayan ice-glaciers melting and how the inevitable flooding of India and further flooding of Pakistan would affect not only the war in Afghanistan, but the geo-political situation in general...... at one point Mr. Lucas was even asked if he could be persuaded to organize a ticker-tape parade like the one at the end of one of his new Star Wars trilogy movies with Mace Windu for General Petraeus should he prevail in Afghanistan at some point..... all players went for power-words like 'game-changer' and 'clincher' -- but never would they remotely come close to the Glory mustered by Blitzer and King's Metallica rendition of No Leaf Clover: no-one ever did.....

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xli

as luck had it -- later on Leonardo would ride with Stone, but Stone did nothing for Leonardo, perhaps it was because of having French genes... who could say? Hence the two had an in-depth discussion about engineering and the way different suburban and urban infrastructures are geared to drain stormwater and how the planning for said infrastructure was based on rain patterns prior to construction and how inevitably those rain patterns were increasing with climate change and the two went on to discuss different possible inventions for homes of the future which would prevent flooding.... Stone brought up some ideas used in Lousiana after the flooding there like homes on buoys that would rise after a flood........ Leonardo concurred that such had been the case for a long time in Holland and said that the world would end up learning a lot from the Dutch ......... Mr. Leonardo struck Mr. Stone as being an intelligent man with an inventive mind....... nevertheless the two were worried about the future of the children in South Park as now and then they would see a priest with a hard-on walking around with his arms outstretched saying:

'here kiddy kiddy kiddy kiddy, tell your Father your sins now, here kiddy kiddy kiddy.'

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part xl

'come on man,' continued the persistent Leonardo, 'don't be-a da retard-o, what's-a wrong-a wich-u-a? look-atta da sausages i bring for you?' and Leonardo held up a long blood sausage and gave Parker an imploring look in the eyes while raising his eyebrows coquettishly.

'Oh no, no, that's okay, no sausages anywhere in me -- no no -- no -- thank you Mr. Da Vinci, no.'

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part lix not LICKS but LIX!

Michelangelo, following an intuition perhaps -- pulled away from the hotel convention centre with all the catholic priests and took a turn or two and pulled up outside a bar that had a ny style hot dog vendor outside:

'hot dogs, hot dogs, get your hotdogs, nice and fresh!' wailed the street vendor picturesquely.

'there they are!' said Michelangelo.

There wasn't time to be star-struck as it was only a matter of time, with so many catholic priests and so many school children in the same town before they ran into eachother and the priests started getting the children to confess and subsequently touching them inappropriately...

'bla... bla... bla... bla... do you see what i mean?' finished Michelangelo after passionately making his case to Parker and Stone.

Parker and Stone did see what they meant,

'Ok, Mr. Michelangelo (Parker and Stone had never heard of Michelangelo or Leonardo and just thought they had strange sounding names, one of them like the movie star), you ride with me,' said Stone.

'Ok, Mr Leonardo, you can ride with me in my batmobile,' said Trey Parker.

Leonardo looked at him and his homosexual urges were getting the better of him, such a lovely English man. As they sat down in Parker's batmobile, Leonardo remembered some Englishmen he met in Rome once, doing some work for the Medicis, they were plasterers... such lovely men... now, sitting next to Trey Parker, Da Vinci was feeling a revival of love for all things English.

'You're-a a beautiful-a English man,' said Da Vinci with his guido Italian accent and laid his hand on one of Parker's legs, mid-thigh.

Parker turned his head to the right and looked over at Da Vinci with a 'what are you doing?' look on his face.

Da Vinci proceeded to rub his hand farther down Parker's leg to his knee, 'make-a da love to me,' said Da Vinci imploringly, 'I love-a da English men-a.'

'I'm not English!' said Parker, 'I'm an American! Now unhand me you yankee!' and brushed Da Vinci's hand away from his leg.

'You're a very pretty boy, come on-a, make-a da love to me,' continued Da Vinci to implore.

'I cannot here you! Oh say can you see! by the dawn's early light!' sand Parker loudly to avoid being able to hear Da Vinci......... I'll have to get him to ride with Stone next time thought Parker to himself.

.

general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part liii

the two renaissance lads, Michelangelo and Leonardo stopped at a roadside sausage distributor -- Leonardo chose some delicious Polish sausage and blood sausages and had them nicely gift wrapped -- he intended to honor Parker and Stone, the two creators of South Park with them.........

the two recontinued in the van and Michelangelo, driving, consulted his navegator and announced, 'according to this thing, we'll be in South Park any minute now.'

And fantastically, further ahead, with the shiny spangle of the sun and the hills and meadows and brooks and rivers and happy, flapping birds, it appeared that the ground they approached appeared in cartoon -- two-dimensional bright-colored hues -- and a sign at the side of the road read:

you are now entering South Park

the two accustomed themselves to the bright colors and lack of depth-perception and two-dimensionality of their new surroundings --- they looked at their own bodies as they drove and noticed their bodies looked flat and two-dimensional......... Leonardo thought deeply about the two-dimensional style and how it was employed by the Church along with the advent of depth, perspective in three dimensions just before he arrived at the time portal leading him to the future --- after he arrived, in the future, while he was selling crack cocaine to rich white kids in LA for money, he remembered consulting a computer at a public library and looking at some of the works of Rafael during what later came to be termed 'the Renaissance,' - Leonardo's very own times! --- Leonardo was impressed with Raphael's deep, rich, dark colors, the way the clothing draped so richly, the youth and vitality of the subjects, their muscularity -- the depth, the mastery of perspective........

perhaps in shock from his transition to a two-dimensional world where everything he looked at, including himself, was two-dimensional -- still in deep thought about Raphael's later artwork........ Leonardo was startled by a van that come hurtling towards them on the other side of the road......

large advertising on the side of the van announced: Terence and Phillip, Baked Goods since 1992

as the Terence and Phillip van approached, Michelangelo slowed the van down to see if he could get their attention.... surprisingly, the Terence and Phillip van slowed down too.

'Do you two know how we can find proprietors Parker and Stone?' asked Michelangelo.

Terence looked at Phillip and then looked at Michelangelo and said:

'No, but i know how i can fart of someone's head!' he said mischeviously and held his friend Phillip's head to his butt while he farted loudly and laughed racously.

'Good Lord!' said Leonardo crossing himself as Michelangelo continued onwards laughing also.

'What the hell are you crossing yourself for?' asked Michelangelo.

After a couple of minutes more of driving Leonardo observed, again with his faux-Italian/guido accent which wouldn't leave him until he left South Parka and its two-dimensional world:

'Look-a there-a Michelangelo! They are-a having some-a kind-a catholic convention there-a --- looka atta all the priests a there'a at the hotel and convention centre.'

Indeed, there was a large Catholic convention going on in South Park and busloads of priests were congregating on the town.

'We better hurry man! We gotta find Parker and Stone, or at least the kids and let them know what danger they're in!' said Michelangelo worriedly.