chemical brothers: get urself high
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojmxYR_6GNk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hHsYOLETqE&feature=related
leonardo and michelangelo hunched over the lamb on the operating table.....
'what did you use to anesthetize it?' asked leonardo?
'the date rape drug,' answered michelangelo seriously....
leonardo used a surgical instrument used by surgeons to stop bleeding arteries... it burnt the bleeding end of an artery, causing it to coagulate immediately and creating a stench of burning flesh in the air.... like a barbecue almost.... meanwhile michelangelo was sewing the arteries tight near the burnt end so that they wouldn't leak....... sutures were clamped onto the arteries and a clamp was placed in the chest cavity of the lamb to keep the wound open.... it's little heart continued beating within.......
as the two renaissance artists stared at the open cavity with its beating heart within... wondering how to get it out and get their replacement heart, currently sitting in an icebox, into the lamb...... it seemed like as good a time as any to start philosophizing, especially given the drug induced state the two found themselves in....... if only michelangelo wouldn't pollute the air with his ugly musical preferences......
'human life seems like such a pity,' started leonardo with the philosophizing... while michelangelo finished stitching some seams on the lamb
'sometimes it's just so painfully evident that this mortal coil... this human body limits consciousness almost cruelly.... so limited.... so trapped in matter...' continued leonardo philosophically...
'fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' boomed michelangelo powerfully and with sincere frustration... it appeared he had made a mistake which he would need to undo with his stitching
Saturday, May 7, 2011
is lamb
'homey its time to operate,' said leonardo and ushered the chinaman and michelangelo to another room... This one was decked out with an operating table and surgical instruments.... In the corner was a cage and from it drew leonardo a small white lamb that baa'ed apprehensively...
'surgery?' asked the crack smoking meth buyer...the three indeed were still stoned...
'heart transplant' explained leonardo as michelangelo busied himself anasthetizing the little white lamb... Michelangelo wasted no time putting on his shitty eclectic taste of bullshit music like the dumb fucking moron that he was.... Bbbzzzzzzzz.... The clippers whirred in michelangelo's hands as he deftly shaved the lamb and then broke out a razor blade and cream and closely shaved a patch near the lamb's heart.... Leonardo prepared a number of surgical tools, sterilizing them, and sterilizing the general area... Michelangelo mini-vacced around his shave job with a nifty mini-vac and went to soap up and prep for surgery...
'have u done this before? Do u know what ur doing?' asked the chinaman...
'no, we've never done this before, but we think we can pull it off.... We have a pretty good idea... We have a bet on this operation'
'surgery?' asked the crack smoking meth buyer...the three indeed were still stoned...
'heart transplant' explained leonardo as michelangelo busied himself anasthetizing the little white lamb... Michelangelo wasted no time putting on his shitty eclectic taste of bullshit music like the dumb fucking moron that he was.... Bbbzzzzzzzz.... The clippers whirred in michelangelo's hands as he deftly shaved the lamb and then broke out a razor blade and cream and closely shaved a patch near the lamb's heart.... Leonardo prepared a number of surgical tools, sterilizing them, and sterilizing the general area... Michelangelo mini-vacced around his shave job with a nifty mini-vac and went to soap up and prep for surgery...
'have u done this before? Do u know what ur doing?' asked the chinaman...
'no, we've never done this before, but we think we can pull it off.... We have a pretty good idea... We have a bet on this operation'
Miller + co
An ornate small blowtorch device attached to a bulbous transparent clear crystal pipe of leonardo's own design lit up as the chinese dressed man took a hit of crack....
'ni xijuan-le ma?' asked leonardo with piercing curiosity as michelangelo loaded up his 7 cones with marijuana on leonardo's patented telephone dial bong.... Leonardo prepared some opium for himself to smoke as it seemed the time to get high was nigh...
The chinese dressed visitor noticed, as his high started to set in, some books under the table featuring male models scantily dressed... Perhaps the rumors were true and leonardo preferred a little hot jock action...
Leonardo noticing his gaze observed that he used the magazines for studying the male physique and anatomy for some of his sketches.... Then, as if reading his mind, raised the topic of Dan Brown and his
Da Vinci code books - as he began to smoke his opium, while michelangelo made his way to the 5th marijuana cone on leonardo's dial-a-cone device
as if mostly addressing michelangelo, leonardo began reporting how he learnt about one Dan Brown and how he summoned the best revenge plot possible against him...
'first i thought about simplicity... Just crapping in a paper bag, setting it on fire... Leaving it on his porch... Then pressing the doorbell,' leonardo said...
'you meiyou crystal meth?' interrupted the chinese dressed man (have don't have crystal meth = is there any crystal meth?)
'you' (=there is) said leonardo generously and fished some out of the lunker box, 'keyi gei ni shige... Xianzai yige shi er-shi bei' (can give you 10... Now one is 20 hundred)
'hao-da gei wo tremble ba' (great...give I everything please) said the chinese dressed man
'keyi' (can do) said leonardo
'ni xijuan-le ma?' asked leonardo with piercing curiosity as michelangelo loaded up his 7 cones with marijuana on leonardo's patented telephone dial bong.... Leonardo prepared some opium for himself to smoke as it seemed the time to get high was nigh...
The chinese dressed visitor noticed, as his high started to set in, some books under the table featuring male models scantily dressed... Perhaps the rumors were true and leonardo preferred a little hot jock action...
Leonardo noticing his gaze observed that he used the magazines for studying the male physique and anatomy for some of his sketches.... Then, as if reading his mind, raised the topic of Dan Brown and his
Da Vinci code books - as he began to smoke his opium, while michelangelo made his way to the 5th marijuana cone on leonardo's dial-a-cone device
as if mostly addressing michelangelo, leonardo began reporting how he learnt about one Dan Brown and how he summoned the best revenge plot possible against him...
'first i thought about simplicity... Just crapping in a paper bag, setting it on fire... Leaving it on his porch... Then pressing the doorbell,' leonardo said...
'you meiyou crystal meth?' interrupted the chinese dressed man (have don't have crystal meth = is there any crystal meth?)
'you' (=there is) said leonardo generously and fished some out of the lunker box, 'keyi gei ni shige... Xianzai yige shi er-shi bei' (can give you 10... Now one is 20 hundred)
'hao-da gei wo tremble ba' (great...give I everything please) said the chinese dressed man
'keyi' (can do) said leonardo
Miller + co
leonardo excused himself from michelangelo when he heard a gong struck... He went to the door of whichever of the two houses the two were in and opened the door... The person at the door was some kind of whitey (caucasian) but draped out in old fashioned chinese garb from the middle (zhong) country (guo)... Cap with long tassle...flowing robes with dangling, draping wrist collars...
'ni hao ma?' said the visitor (glenn beck from fox news) (you okay huh?)
'hao' (ok) answered leonardo...
'wo yao yige' said the visitor entering upon cue (i want one)
'yige shenme?' answered leonardo, ushering him in the dwelling
'ni cherdao-le' (you know what) answered beck
'guo lai' (come) said leonardo to the visitor and also to michelangelo who had not been forthcoming in presenting himself, but instead fished peanut butter from a jar with a knife after finishing off some snacking
leonardo led them to a garage attached to a house on the american side of the road where he bade them sit and poured them some tea in the traditional chinese manner...
Of course michelangelo would think it was all a big joke... All of leonardo's friends were just comic book characters to him... No doubt he would notice some insignificant idiosyncratic visual trait that would typify an aspect of the interlocutor's character, like a birthmark or lack of symmetry or even a tone of voice: rarely would it be a positive thing, such was michelangelo
'he ba' (drink, please) said leonardo, who had a well developed dramatic sense, and even indicated with an open palm in the correct chinese fashion, the steaming tea on the table as the three sat on sofas... Leonardo, too seating himself and lifting a lunker box onto the table with various compartments:
'gei ni kan,' (give you look = have a look) said leonardo producing one package which beck took and inspected
'shenme yitse?' (what thing?)
'californian crack: hen hao,' (californian crack cocaine: very good' said leonardo
'duo xiao chien?' (how much?) asked beck
'gei ni wu-shi bei chien' (give u 50 hundred money = it's yours for 5000$) said leonardo sipping his tea, genuinely enjoying it
'neige hao bu hao' (that one good not good?) = is it any good? Asked beck
'si ba' (try) said leonardo proffering a crack pipe...
'ni hao ma?' said the visitor (glenn beck from fox news) (you okay huh?)
'hao' (ok) answered leonardo...
'wo yao yige' said the visitor entering upon cue (i want one)
'yige shenme?' answered leonardo, ushering him in the dwelling
'ni cherdao-le' (you know what) answered beck
'guo lai' (come) said leonardo to the visitor and also to michelangelo who had not been forthcoming in presenting himself, but instead fished peanut butter from a jar with a knife after finishing off some snacking
leonardo led them to a garage attached to a house on the american side of the road where he bade them sit and poured them some tea in the traditional chinese manner...
Of course michelangelo would think it was all a big joke... All of leonardo's friends were just comic book characters to him... No doubt he would notice some insignificant idiosyncratic visual trait that would typify an aspect of the interlocutor's character, like a birthmark or lack of symmetry or even a tone of voice: rarely would it be a positive thing, such was michelangelo
'he ba' (drink, please) said leonardo, who had a well developed dramatic sense, and even indicated with an open palm in the correct chinese fashion, the steaming tea on the table as the three sat on sofas... Leonardo, too seating himself and lifting a lunker box onto the table with various compartments:
'gei ni kan,' (give you look = have a look) said leonardo producing one package which beck took and inspected
'shenme yitse?' (what thing?)
'californian crack: hen hao,' (californian crack cocaine: very good' said leonardo
'duo xiao chien?' (how much?) asked beck
'gei ni wu-shi bei chien' (give u 50 hundred money = it's yours for 5000$) said leonardo sipping his tea, genuinely enjoying it
'neige hao bu hao' (that one good not good?) = is it any good? Asked beck
'si ba' (try) said leonardo proffering a crack pipe...
Friday, May 6, 2011
farther adventures of Miller
leonardo showed michelangelo his next idea: a Chemical.. When added to a local water supply..will activate an enzyme in the male population over 25 as per reaction with hormones produced by their thyroid glands... It works in conjunction with a remote control switch which, when activated causes death... 'Watch mr. Frederick here'... Leonardo indicated a little mouse on a table... 'mr frederick has been drinking water tainted to betray a male mouse over 5months of age'
boom! And a squeal and mr. Frederick was no longer
'dude she has beautiful cheekbones,' said michelangelo seriously and matter-of-factly but with an air of levity or light heartedness and bon-hommie noting a picture of natalie portman
boom! And a squeal and mr. Frederick was no longer
'dude she has beautiful cheekbones,' said michelangelo seriously and matter-of-factly but with an air of levity or light heartedness and bon-hommie noting a picture of natalie portman
Thursday, May 5, 2011
further adventures of Miller
in the canadian house the two caught up and michelangelo explained some of his new art comcepts and designs such as pieces involving living rats in them... Leonardo had become interested in urban combat and had made a study of 'whizzbang' devices used by combat soldiers in small enclosed spaces like buildings and walled areas... a whizzbang is a commonly used device thrown by stalking soldiers bearing machine guns...when thrown into a quarter before storming it... It creates confusion emitting noises and smoke... The point being to create confusion and a 'smokescreen' before launching an assault... Leonardo realized confusion was an important strategic or tactical concept not only in conventional guerilla forms of warfare but also in information and propaganda warfare...
In any case, Leonardo had developed a number of his own 'whizzbang' devices... A common variation that pleased Leonardo was a ball device that would break into 7 or 8 smaller component balls which could bounce like little flubbery rubber balls and then perform various variable functions:
i) explode. ii) explode gently and release tear gas and or smoke iii) flash brightly and or emit piercing high pitched sounds...
Leonardo had begun testing his inventions with members of the la familia drug cartel in mexico
another idea was for the storming force to wear protective earware and then bombard an assault point with high-pitched sound waves
In any case, Leonardo had developed a number of his own 'whizzbang' devices... A common variation that pleased Leonardo was a ball device that would break into 7 or 8 smaller component balls which could bounce like little flubbery rubber balls and then perform various variable functions:
i) explode. ii) explode gently and release tear gas and or smoke iii) flash brightly and or emit piercing high pitched sounds...
Leonardo had begun testing his inventions with members of the la familia drug cartel in mexico
another idea was for the storming force to wear protective earware and then bombard an assault point with high-pitched sound waves
diarrea
aliens land on planet earth in france and italy and ask to be taken to the peoples' leaders...
'no really', say the aliens upon meeting sarcozi and berlusconii...
'ok well just give them these tokens of our goodwill' say the aliens after ascertaining that the people weren't joking about who their leaders were...
For sarcozi they left an elegant plaque enscribed with 'maxi connard' on it and for berlusconni one that read: 'master cockslapper'... Berlusconni was very proud of this token and prized it greatly
* * *
farther adventures of senor Miller...
Leonardo who was in canada arranges w. Michelangelo who was in nyc to meet in maine along the border... Leonardo arranges for michelangelo to be delivered to a unique street where, in fact, leonardo manages a
couple of houses...one on either side of the road in fact... And indeed one house on one side of the road fell in america and flew an american flag in the sleepy, pristine and farflung suburban street,.. The house across the road was in canada and flew a canadian flag and was separated from the first house by a simple, average suburban road... Leonardo used these houses to co-ordinate his drug deals within the branch of la familia that fell to him... 'Anchorage, atlanta, alberquerque... Thats where all the shipments go thru dude,' said leonardo to michelangelo on the limo ride marking the end of the latter's journey from nyc.... 'try this, i trust you'll appreciate the design,' said leonardo, producing a custom built bong or water pipe from one of the limo's compartments... It was fashioned with a revolver styled dial plate featuring not one but 7 packed cones that could be spun into position, one after the other, so that 7 cones be smoked in rapid succession.... Michelangelo admired the handicraft and proceeded to smoke first one then another and yet another cone before resting....
'dude that's choice guatemalen hydro u just smoked...' observed leonardo and drank some of his alcoholic beverage... 'i get that moved from mexico to alberquerque and from there some comes here and from yonder house goes all of the canadian buds' said leonardo pointing to the aforementioned canadian house upon which the limosine now inclined
'no really', say the aliens upon meeting sarcozi and berlusconii...
'ok well just give them these tokens of our goodwill' say the aliens after ascertaining that the people weren't joking about who their leaders were...
For sarcozi they left an elegant plaque enscribed with 'maxi connard' on it and for berlusconni one that read: 'master cockslapper'... Berlusconni was very proud of this token and prized it greatly
* * *
farther adventures of senor Miller...
Leonardo who was in canada arranges w. Michelangelo who was in nyc to meet in maine along the border... Leonardo arranges for michelangelo to be delivered to a unique street where, in fact, leonardo manages a
couple of houses...one on either side of the road in fact... And indeed one house on one side of the road fell in america and flew an american flag in the sleepy, pristine and farflung suburban street,.. The house across the road was in canada and flew a canadian flag and was separated from the first house by a simple, average suburban road... Leonardo used these houses to co-ordinate his drug deals within the branch of la familia that fell to him... 'Anchorage, atlanta, alberquerque... Thats where all the shipments go thru dude,' said leonardo to michelangelo on the limo ride marking the end of the latter's journey from nyc.... 'try this, i trust you'll appreciate the design,' said leonardo, producing a custom built bong or water pipe from one of the limo's compartments... It was fashioned with a revolver styled dial plate featuring not one but 7 packed cones that could be spun into position, one after the other, so that 7 cones be smoked in rapid succession.... Michelangelo admired the handicraft and proceeded to smoke first one then another and yet another cone before resting....
'dude that's choice guatemalen hydro u just smoked...' observed leonardo and drank some of his alcoholic beverage... 'i get that moved from mexico to alberquerque and from there some comes here and from yonder house goes all of the canadian buds' said leonardo pointing to the aforementioned canadian house upon which the limosine now inclined
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