while the three entertainers made arrangements to hide their privates like the biblical Adam with one of their two socks -- and in the case of Parker -- to also use a sock to make a dainty bunny-rabbit tail, the Black Rook was pissed, or mightily peeved to be more precise... while preparing to dishevel himself and after having hidden his chute for later retrieval with an electronic emitter within the pack -- he armed himself with a Russian made handgun and realized he was about to be discovered by a Taliban before his arrangements were complete --- he had no choice but to immobilize his interloper -- being that anger and illwill was getting the better of him, he decided to kneecap his discoverer.....
'aaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!' shrieked the Talibani after first one then another kneecap was blown away from between his hams.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 80
Kiedis up and said he'd like reinforcement from his band-mates, the other (Red Hot) Chili Peppers and the Georgian handler duly noted it but couldn't promise anything.
The two South Park people enthused over their cool strap-on oversized tazers and over-sized hunting knives.
The three were ready to depart when the Georgian tobacco-chewing handler said,
'One more thing, now that y'aint flying anymore, you need to return those airman uniforms to Uncle Sam.'
'What?!!' questioned the three, 'what are we supposed to wear?' asked Kiedis, Parker and Stone.
'I reckon them boots you were provided with came with a pair of socks, that'd be about right now, wouldn't it?' said the Georgian tobacco chewer, and gathering up the three airman's outfits from the three recruits, threw them up into the cabin of the helicopter and mounted it to leave as its big-wing started increasing mightily and noisily its rotations in preparation for levitation.
As the chopper slowly rose, the Georgian handler bid the three entertainers adieu:
'Sock it to those ants boys, do it for Uncle Sam.'
The two South Park people enthused over their cool strap-on oversized tazers and over-sized hunting knives.
The three were ready to depart when the Georgian tobacco-chewing handler said,
'One more thing, now that y'aint flying anymore, you need to return those airman uniforms to Uncle Sam.'
'What?!!' questioned the three, 'what are we supposed to wear?' asked Kiedis, Parker and Stone.
'I reckon them boots you were provided with came with a pair of socks, that'd be about right now, wouldn't it?' said the Georgian tobacco chewer, and gathering up the three airman's outfits from the three recruits, threw them up into the cabin of the helicopter and mounted it to leave as its big-wing started increasing mightily and noisily its rotations in preparation for levitation.
As the chopper slowly rose, the Georgian handler bid the three entertainers adieu:
'Sock it to those ants boys, do it for Uncle Sam.'
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 79
'so what's the plan,' up and piped Kiedis from the Chilli Peppers.
'Your mission is to neutralize the threat posed by those giant ants yonder,' elucidated the Georgian tobacco chewing handler as he spat another clump of tobacco out of his mouth. 'Here are some souped-up tazers and here are some big-arse knives - do what you have to do.'
'Now you said these ants were once Afghani women,' asked Kiedis to the handler guy.
'That's right.'
'Well, if we can get them to morph back into women, i'd like to bring them back to California and put them in a music shoot i have coming up,' affirmed Kiedis.
'Well the military is willing to support you in that endevour including making use of cargo flights to facilitate that -- or you can just tazer them and gut them with these over-sized hunting knives -- it's all up to you,' said the Georgian.
'Can we win a medal if we're successful,' asked Parker.
'Yeah!' enthused Stone.
The two had paid women hundreds of dollars just to lick their toenails, but a military medal wasn't something money could buy and something the two patriots would dearly love to earn.
'Afore you can win a medal you gots to earn you some briches, and afore that can happen you gots to win yourselves some pantaloons,' affirmed the Georgian before continuing, 'and the only ways to win yourselves some pantaloons is by earning them goddam it,' finished the Georgian before spitting another clump of tobacco.
'Your mission is to neutralize the threat posed by those giant ants yonder,' elucidated the Georgian tobacco chewing handler as he spat another clump of tobacco out of his mouth. 'Here are some souped-up tazers and here are some big-arse knives - do what you have to do.'
'Now you said these ants were once Afghani women,' asked Kiedis to the handler guy.
'That's right.'
'Well, if we can get them to morph back into women, i'd like to bring them back to California and put them in a music shoot i have coming up,' affirmed Kiedis.
'Well the military is willing to support you in that endevour including making use of cargo flights to facilitate that -- or you can just tazer them and gut them with these over-sized hunting knives -- it's all up to you,' said the Georgian.
'Can we win a medal if we're successful,' asked Parker.
'Yeah!' enthused Stone.
The two had paid women hundreds of dollars just to lick their toenails, but a military medal wasn't something money could buy and something the two patriots would dearly love to earn.
'Afore you can win a medal you gots to earn you some briches, and afore that can happen you gots to win yourselves some pantaloons,' affirmed the Georgian before continuing, 'and the only ways to win yourselves some pantaloons is by earning them goddam it,' finished the Georgian before spitting another clump of tobacco.
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 78
'Dude, doesn't this situation remind you of the episode we did on Afghanistan entitled -President Obama has farty pants- like a few years ago,' asked Stone to Parker.
'I don't remember dude, we've done so many shows now, how did that one go?' responded Parker.
'Well,' said Stone, 'Mrs. Garrison wanted all the kids to each send $1 to the kids in Afghanistan.'
---
While Stone reminded Parker of the episode of South Park they had created together years ago, the Black Rook was busy taking care of his chute after landing -- he wondered how it was possible the military could go on spending 20 billion dollars a one Stealth Bomber to bomb the Russians, post cold-war, but had not yet after 10 years of war within Iraq and Afghanistan, not developed a technology to remotely detect IEDS and then target them with cluster bomblet laser guided technology. Goddam retarded war. The Black Rook just wanted some R&R and a chance to watch some big booties swang in Bangkok as soon as possible.
---
'Nope, I don't remember dude,' said Parker as he dismounted the helicopter with the tobacco spitting Georgian.
'Come on man,' replied Stone, 'it's the one where they people in Afghanistan send a goat as a present over to South Park and then the kids want to return it to Afghanistan so they go to South Park's military base and tell the soldier's the goat is really Steve Nicks from Fleetwood Mac, which they believe and then the kids fly to Afghanistan --- so it's kind of like the situation we're in now.'
'Oh yeah! Nooooooow I remember,' remembered Parker.
'I don't remember dude, we've done so many shows now, how did that one go?' responded Parker.
'Well,' said Stone, 'Mrs. Garrison wanted all the kids to each send $1 to the kids in Afghanistan.'
---
While Stone reminded Parker of the episode of South Park they had created together years ago, the Black Rook was busy taking care of his chute after landing -- he wondered how it was possible the military could go on spending 20 billion dollars a one Stealth Bomber to bomb the Russians, post cold-war, but had not yet after 10 years of war within Iraq and Afghanistan, not developed a technology to remotely detect IEDS and then target them with cluster bomblet laser guided technology. Goddam retarded war. The Black Rook just wanted some R&R and a chance to watch some big booties swang in Bangkok as soon as possible.
---
'Nope, I don't remember dude,' said Parker as he dismounted the helicopter with the tobacco spitting Georgian.
'Come on man,' replied Stone, 'it's the one where they people in Afghanistan send a goat as a present over to South Park and then the kids want to return it to Afghanistan so they go to South Park's military base and tell the soldier's the goat is really Steve Nicks from Fleetwood Mac, which they believe and then the kids fly to Afghanistan --- so it's kind of like the situation we're in now.'
'Oh yeah! Nooooooow I remember,' remembered Parker.
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 77
The Black Rook busted a nut (popped his chute) while his i-Pod switched to Tori Amos and Madonna's version of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit.'
He had been studying videos of John Walker Lynch and Shaggie from the Scooby Doo cartoon in order to fit in with the dishevelled, unkept, permanently bad-hair-day Taliban.
His chute had a harness that left him in a semi-seated position (furniture) and his arms stretched radially extended to their fullest in all directions controlling strings that guided his chute like a bird in the sky.
He looked below him and saw the landscape: a glint from the Alexandrian fountain near the Afghan government's Kandahar headquarter. The helicopter (now landed) with its rotary wing very slowly circumnavigating around itself and the three clowns from 'Hollywood' prepared to do battle with the killer ants. The killer ants themselves were visible in the distance, even their shrieks could be heard. Armored vehicles from the Draggins Trike operation could be seen.
The Black Rook pulled his chords down low and prepared to land.
He had been studying videos of John Walker Lynch and Shaggie from the Scooby Doo cartoon in order to fit in with the dishevelled, unkept, permanently bad-hair-day Taliban.
His chute had a harness that left him in a semi-seated position (furniture) and his arms stretched radially extended to their fullest in all directions controlling strings that guided his chute like a bird in the sky.
He looked below him and saw the landscape: a glint from the Alexandrian fountain near the Afghan government's Kandahar headquarter. The helicopter (now landed) with its rotary wing very slowly circumnavigating around itself and the three clowns from 'Hollywood' prepared to do battle with the killer ants. The killer ants themselves were visible in the distance, even their shrieks could be heard. Armored vehicles from the Draggins Trike operation could be seen.
The Black Rook pulled his chords down low and prepared to land.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 76
In California, while John Travolta flew a bunch of Oprah Winfrey audience members to Australia, the Black Eyed Peas stood slightly shivering in the early morning as a private jet taxi-ed towards them in John Travolta's backyard while they waited on his back porch..... the private jet would take them to the gateway hub of Dubai.... they were destined for the East to shoot some episodes of Russian Sesame Street --
of course, in the cyrillic alphabet, P was really like an R.... C was like an S.... H was like an N and U was really like an I........
they would be sure to wear more clothes than Nelly Furtado who had recently been blacklisted for wearing too little and rubbing up against Kermit the Frog
of course, in the cyrillic alphabet, P was really like an R.... C was like an S.... H was like an N and U was really like an I........
they would be sure to wear more clothes than Nelly Furtado who had recently been blacklisted for wearing too little and rubbing up against Kermit the Frog
general petraeus assumes the stance in afghanistan: part 75
The Black Rook, if you recall how our story went, was the surviving Black Rook, that is, the Queen's side Rook, as the King's side Rook was despatched by Love of Hole (as the story goes)....
The Black Rook cruised on at what he called 18 milipedes (like the creepy crawly - only this designation meant 18,000 feet) --- after having despatched the three entertainers and overseen their rescue after a sudden wind blew them off course and over an old Russian minefield (not so old, after all, but merely a relic from the 1980s) ---
The Black Rook sat at a small desk that was bolted down to the interior of the plane in a small section of the plane that constituted a small alcove nearby the cockpit wherein the pilots flew....
He was about to go on a self-appointed reconnaissance/espionage mission behind enemy lines -- amongst contacts and people he had already established relationships with amongst the Taliban -- he had successfully passed himself off as a (non-American) African by presenting himself a certain way in both physical aspect and voice -- in all mannerisms he give a distinct impression that led his Taliban contacts to believe that he was really an African from some African Nation with strong ties to Russia.
Before he prepared to leave for his mission, he added some notes to his futuristic novel about a future Napoleon some 100 years hence that would rise and lead America to victory over Communist China in a massive war on the scale of (as yet unseen) world war iii..... while doing so he watched some Bill O'Reilly on fox news and even read a few more paragraphs from O'Reilly's book: "Pinheads and Patriots"....
after finishing with his novel for the present, he decided to take O'Reilly's advice once and for all and email him at o'reilly@foxnews.com in order to o'pine as O'Reilly put it:
Dear Mr Really (wrote the Black Rook),
Would you tap Hemmer, e.g., during an unplanned catnap?
Signed,
Sean O'Shannesy
The Black Rook figured he might as well sign his email with an Irish cracker sounding name since the crackers at fox news seemed to love the Irish so much.....
next the Black Rook took a hit of crystal meth so as to up the amount of dopamine in his brain 17 times over and feel like Superman (he was careful not to become a slave to meth and develop issues like rot-teeth or rot-brain and mostly only used it on rare and special occasions such as that which lay before him) -- he put on his i-Pod and started listening to MC Hammer and picked up a flag of the Soviet Union and made for the rear of the plane where an open cargo bay door fed blue light into the plane and which lead on into the airy light blue abyss below to which he lept....
his dress was no longer that of an American Army Officer and nothing he carried, apart from his unyet un-popped parachute would betray his true identity --- the Soviet flag he carried in his hand he would later transfer to his bag and leave hidden therein -- he did carry some A-Salts but nobody amongst the Taliban would know what this was for......... before he left his book and labtop computer a moment ago, he had doodled a picture of a little child stick figure dragging a tricycle along behind it (instead of riding it - as if out of annoyance) and captioned it: Operation Draggins Trike (for tricycle) as a sign of his disapproval of the latest strategy from the higher ups at the Pentagon and their so-called Operation Dragon Strike.......
nobody on his side of the fence knew about his surveillence and espionage work amongst the Taliban....... yet.
The Black Rook cruised on at what he called 18 milipedes (like the creepy crawly - only this designation meant 18,000 feet) --- after having despatched the three entertainers and overseen their rescue after a sudden wind blew them off course and over an old Russian minefield (not so old, after all, but merely a relic from the 1980s) ---
The Black Rook sat at a small desk that was bolted down to the interior of the plane in a small section of the plane that constituted a small alcove nearby the cockpit wherein the pilots flew....
He was about to go on a self-appointed reconnaissance/espionage mission behind enemy lines -- amongst contacts and people he had already established relationships with amongst the Taliban -- he had successfully passed himself off as a (non-American) African by presenting himself a certain way in both physical aspect and voice -- in all mannerisms he give a distinct impression that led his Taliban contacts to believe that he was really an African from some African Nation with strong ties to Russia.
Before he prepared to leave for his mission, he added some notes to his futuristic novel about a future Napoleon some 100 years hence that would rise and lead America to victory over Communist China in a massive war on the scale of (as yet unseen) world war iii..... while doing so he watched some Bill O'Reilly on fox news and even read a few more paragraphs from O'Reilly's book: "Pinheads and Patriots"....
after finishing with his novel for the present, he decided to take O'Reilly's advice once and for all and email him at o'reilly@foxnews.com in order to o'pine as O'Reilly put it:
Dear Mr Really (wrote the Black Rook),
Would you tap Hemmer, e.g., during an unplanned catnap?
Signed,
Sean O'Shannesy
The Black Rook figured he might as well sign his email with an Irish cracker sounding name since the crackers at fox news seemed to love the Irish so much.....
next the Black Rook took a hit of crystal meth so as to up the amount of dopamine in his brain 17 times over and feel like Superman (he was careful not to become a slave to meth and develop issues like rot-teeth or rot-brain and mostly only used it on rare and special occasions such as that which lay before him) -- he put on his i-Pod and started listening to MC Hammer and picked up a flag of the Soviet Union and made for the rear of the plane where an open cargo bay door fed blue light into the plane and which lead on into the airy light blue abyss below to which he lept....
his dress was no longer that of an American Army Officer and nothing he carried, apart from his unyet un-popped parachute would betray his true identity --- the Soviet flag he carried in his hand he would later transfer to his bag and leave hidden therein -- he did carry some A-Salts but nobody amongst the Taliban would know what this was for......... before he left his book and labtop computer a moment ago, he had doodled a picture of a little child stick figure dragging a tricycle along behind it (instead of riding it - as if out of annoyance) and captioned it: Operation Draggins Trike (for tricycle) as a sign of his disapproval of the latest strategy from the higher ups at the Pentagon and their so-called Operation Dragon Strike.......
nobody on his side of the fence knew about his surveillence and espionage work amongst the Taliban....... yet.
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