despite being more or less content with my life as it is --- at some point, in early 2007 -- i made a decision which i never hesitated about, but which, despite leading to my current more or less happy existence......... if i could live my life again, and everything were to play at the same up until that point, i would not have chosen to leave sunny Los Angeles to live in Bulgaria --- it was a decision leaving no return option to the USA -- even now -- i am not sure if i can get a tourist visa to enter america -- or even if i want to -- being that there are plenty of countries to visit and that maybe there is nothing left for me to learn by attending life in America - in person - as they say.....
but that is not why i wouldn't re-take that decision if i could do things over -- because of not being able to return to america -- but becoz of the difficult challenges i faced in Bulgaria which i had not imagined could be possible -- in fact, i had already spent 1 month in Bulgaria up until that point -- around mid 2004 - and had quite enjoyed my time there -- i sported a typical liberal Australian attitude (at that time) in the sense that i was willing, along with the Bulgarians -- to banish communism to the past and not think of it as something relevant or present -- however, when i left LA forever and entered Bulgaria in early 2007 -- i found that the ghost of communism was alive and well.......... so much so, that i found myself plagued never-endingly by these ghosts and traces in the society...... it became a living hell......
my life before leaving for Bulgaria was quite happy -- i bedded down with about 100 afro-americans in a sort of free shelter for the poor or flophouse -- i couldn't have been happier -- gangsters threatened to have people removed in a body bag --- threatened to have battery acid put in people's soap -- it was here i saw my first blax-ploitation movies --- i talked to many of the afro-american men there, ex-marines with the bearing and posture of a soldier, gangsters who stood differently but were also soldiers, in their own way..... an ex-con who had been imprisoned for killing his father for having inappropriate relations with his, as he described her, half-wit sister........ someone had jammed with James Brown, back in the day, but had also struggled with a heroine addiction, if my memory serves me correctly........ every day, after my 9 to 5 job - i would return from LAX to downtown LA and enjoy the communal atmosphere -- if you have spent time in communist china -- you come to appreciate communal activities like this...... after getting a modest meal by lining up.... i would watch football with the men there --- another guy i talked to there had been living there 4 years -- before that he had been in prison --- if it wasn't football it was movies neverendingly ---- one time i remember seeing a preview of a nicholas cage movie -- ghost rider -- the clip looked so flashy in the massive darkened hall -- that it made it seem like our lives were insignificant and stupid - as compared to ghost rider's........... that was from the clip, in those circumstances, mind you --------- i have never actually felt compelled to watch this movie though -- and never did -- but it was a flashy clip
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