general petreus assumes the stance in afghanistan part xxiii

further tales of schizophrenia in afghanistan

witherspoon/woods was kicking it with Omar and his brother at Omar's Helmand residence -- it was quite the crib........ Omar's 4 wives were there along with his 23 children and his brother Mushariff's (or whatever his name was) 4 wives and 15 children..... they were listening to red hot chili peppers

on a wall was a picture of uma thurman with one leg high up in the air above her head doing a guangdong pai-mei type kung-fu kick -- over her head in the poster was written 'here comes the bride' -- but someone had scrawled in in Pashtun "the 5th" between 'the' and 'bride'.........

Omar was kicking it in Gucci loafers, he assured woods/simpson that they were EXACTLY the same kind the Dalai Lama wore ...... of course that was no co-incidence......

Omar and his brother were getting their 8 wives to weigh and package their hashish

'you ever been to amsterdam?' Omar asked woods/simpson, 'please change those three babies' nappies over there, witherspoon, please? okay?'

Omar and his brother went on to swap playing cards like the ones from the Iraq war showing all of Saddam's ministers from the Ba'ath party, including some of the female ministers and generals that were privileged in the Arab world, along with all of Iraqi society, to be somewhat vanguard and more advanced............ these playing cards showed americans:

'i don't want fucking Mullens and Janet Reno, are you fucking insane?' said Omar to his brother and they looked to trade the valuable cards

'okay look, i'll be frank,' said Musharriff, 'i want Odierno, general rodriguez, petraeus and mcchrystal'

'well that's understandable, but don't come with Mullens and Janet Reno for crying out loud!' -- Omar shuffled his Gucci loafter on his right foot back and forth as he sipped on whisky -- it was always a lot of fun to trade cards

'do you have that thespian clown Panetta?'

* * *

witherspoon/woods/simpson finished changing nappies on three of the babies of some of the eight wives.......

'are you still thinking about going back to that loser in Virginia Beach? oh vey woman! - stay with me here in Helmand, it's going to be a real warzone this summer - the fall will be beautiful,' called out Omar to simpson/woods as she changed nappies

she had, in fact, been toying with the idea of putting her ex-boyfriend surfer/skater dude through veterinary school -- nobody thought he'd make it as a vet -- but that's what they said about her and law school

after the nappies were done she went outside and talked to the 2 young afghani guys that had said goodbye to their mother in the cherry blossom garden some other day -- the 2 suiciders with the full-on english accents:

'hey,' she said, 'what's up?'

'oh not much,' they replied with strong liverpool accents (they weren't from england however) 'just soaking up some sun before the big bang,'

'mm-hmm', said woods/simpson and gave them a wink and a smile