my friend Aurora

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EcaxrqhUJ4c&ob=av3e

my friend Aurora was a debt-collection lawyer... some 14 years my senior... i first met her in the town she had probably spent most of her life, in the south-east of spain, a little town called murcia which is the capital city of the province of murcia, murcia province being one of spain's 'states' or 'autonomous regions'.... this is the part of spain along with catalunya, barcelona and valencia that fell under the soviet sphere of influence during spain's civil war.... they ended up losing it

the people in this town were likeable to me, the nearest thing to its ambience in america would be found in los angeles or some similar looking part of southern california... spanish names, huertas/vegetable gardens next to the roads, rolling hillsides, a warm sunny climate... access to beach and coast...... although none of my own family was from this southern part of spain, i could definitely feel a sense of connection to my compatriots there

aurora was a beautiful friend... there was never any question of our relationship being anything but platonic... i knew her when i was 19 and so she was about 33 or 34.... she came to learn that some little relationship i was in with a girl nearer my own age had ended and that part of the reason was because of the influence of a mutual acquaintance of ours, a much older woman, who, unfortunately, i had placed too much stock in her advice

anyway, it was a short-lived relationship that had died for me... aurora's apartment, where we mostly spent our time together was wonderfully peaceful and full of beautiful vibrations and good energy..... aurora was suffering at the time from back problems and was somewhat unable to work.... at the time i was living with my uncle, who told me that he understood that the anglo-saxon was his natural born enemy (as a spaniard) -- possibly a true thing -- however in those days i was neither embittered against the anglo-aussies (despite already having been misjudged and mistreated by them on various occasions), any other aussies, and adored americans without any reservation against them (certainly at least the ones i met in spain)... i also enjoyed living in spain and the sights and sounds every day brought -- it was a real benefaction, in hindsight... a cousin of my uncle, and of my father, luz divina (divine light) or luci for short, joked once that my late arrival to a gathering and my red face was an indication i had been fornicating with aurora, i swore it wasn't true however it probably wasn't clear if she really believed it or was just trying to annoy me.... what i knew about luz divina was that she had had some terrible rotten luck in her own life, her parents and her only sibling, one by one, had suicided... we all knew it wasn't an uncommon thing amongst the alvarezes to do so, as my father and uncle's father (the same man), jose antonio, a fairly wealthy self-made man who had accumulated a great deal of wealth in businesses beginning with the rebuilding period of spain after the civil war, around when world war ii was starting, had also suicided towards the latter phase of his life, along with one of his sons who was an out of the closet, practicing homosexual, who suicided earlier in life, perhaps in his 30s, according to my mother he was a very elegant man who dressed very well.....

i understand if a person suicide's because business events become too unfortunate and overbearing.... these people you read about in america and pakistan and queensland state in australia and really anywhere, that are left penniless after a flood wipes them out, and their insurance company either reneges on them or else they do not have insurance, for example, in the american case, due to an incompetent system; these suicide cases i find completely understandable

on one occasion i invited aurora to meet the ex-girlfriend mentioned above, a spanish girl, along with my father and sister who were in town at the time.... both the latter would later suicide... in the case of my sister, in 1999, and my father in 2008.... i found my sister's death extremely devastating and possible became a very hard-hearted person as a result of it... the news of my father's suicide also brought me to tears.... still, i understand in the case of my sister a series of events played out that led her to feeling unemployable and having lost.... i understand her choice..... i cannot imagine my father would have lived much longer than 10 years, in the event of not suiciding

some people try to say that suicide is selfish and ignorant..... i would not rush in to agree with that.... in japan it was often a normal part of the culture, often when some disgrace meant shame, a person would suicide as the only honorable way out.... if you believe in pre-destination, it's hard to believe a person's Soul will outlive whatever it is it came to live for in the first place.... in any case, it's not a topic i'd be willing to argue with anyone as there are too many facets to it.... i am lucky i never had to discover a dead body or be blamed by police for it as has happened to one of my friend's that unfortunately discovered the dead body of his father and was later held in suspicion by the police for it, according to my recollection.... people should try to struggle to overcome their problems, the best bet probably being to pack a bag, go to a whole new country to live in, and starting over - often this option seems untenable for a great many people, especially if they are locked in to a marriage and family, even still, it is an excellent way to redress problems, much better than suiciding

still when i knew aurora, those troubles were far away and i didn't know what my destiny held in store for me.... i imagine no-one ever can.... so much of what we are and experience is just an amalgamation of memory and perceptions anyway...

still the sweetest thing about youth is precious little memory to run off of.... as stated, those days spent in aurora's apartment, in early 1996, were some of the most peaceful moments i had ever known.... the feel of the city outside, the old church vaguely visible through the curtains of aurora's sitting room windows... twice i brought new girlfriends along to meet aurora 4 years apart.... once before those events she brought me scuba diving near cartagena in spain's southeast... i remember she schooled me on the drive there but i was a little vacant about it all...... then under the water, about 10 or 15 metres under, she tested me by ripping the breathing apparatus out of my mouth... i remembered her instructions and placed the breathing apparatus upside down and inserted it into my mouth which was held up towards the surface so that no water would be able to enter the mix, i passed that test but later ran out of oxygen at 20 metres beneath the surface....

i became so panicked it's unclear if my panick or the low level of oxygen or some other problem meant i couldn't inflate my jacket helping me to float quicker to the surface, so i ended up dog paddling to the surface, about 20 metres and in a panic and unable to breath and not getting help from a fully inflated jacket -- and all of this with empty lungs... the last 10 metres and then 5 and even 3 metres to the surface seemed to take forever.... finally i made it to the surface and aurora was there laughing at me, she assured me that even if i had've blacked out she would have carried me to the surface and given me cpr and there was no way i could have drowned and died