now for a scornful attack on journalism in general

don't journalists, very generally speaking, seem worse than girls to you? how they pose and posture as if they were stalwart, non-biased witnesses of events when of course, the reality is they all have their biases....

follows a scornful mockery of 'journalism'

benji news alert:

benjiville, benjiland: shock survey results have revealed that AP journalists will refuse to snort coke unless it has an official FARQ seal on it... when contacted for comment, an AP spokesperson, speaking under condition of anonymity and wearing a t-shirt sporting the colombian flag, said that the rumors were false

in other news, conan o'brien denies his staff writers write their best material after 'getting chronically baked', he also denied that his attack on some irrelevant french actor is indicative of an inferiority complex or a banal, meaningless existence... 'maybe i could make someone special an x-box,' commented o'brien

in other news, france and england have both denied they are the boringest (sic) nations in the world, france's minister of culture could not be reached for comment

CNN's anderson cooper, when asked if he was a little teapot quipped, 'here is my handle, here is my spout.'

when asked if they still believed the tooth fairy was responsible for the 9/11 attacks, an anonymous ABC spokesperson said, 'maybe' and sniffed and touched their nose (which was red).

in other news, a team of university of crapola physicists have partnered with an international team of miners to drill extensively in the andean mountain chain to see if allegations that CNN's neverending crap tunnel actually had an end were based on reality. meanwhile CNN's Vasileva denies the bags under her eyes are a direct result of bulgarians being the craziest motherfuckers on the planet, 'gluposti!' she is reported to have said. She also denied grinding her teeth in her sleep unlike the rest of Bulgaria.

journalists for reuters stated they were proud they could string a few fancy phrases together and only occasionally make syntactic errors, 'with spell and grammar check on word for windows, i don't even need to lay off pot for a few hours' said lars thunderbutt of reuters michigan's bureau (it's not an office, it's a 'bureau' (pronounced: byoo-row))

fox news' bill o'reilly, when reached for comment, said the 'problem with people nowadays, you know, people who don't spend 500 thousand on their education, is they don't know really useless stupid words that you only find in boutique thesauri (that's the plural version of thesaurus, you know?) at the end of a paragraph of other meaningless, redundant words, take: fickelstein; i bet you're too uneducated to know what a 'fickelstein' is; would you like me to condascendingly tell you what a fickelstein is without breaking the rhythm of the conversation?'

more news on the hour