the Black Rook finished considering the memorable chess game he had played with the
(now deceased) King's side (Black) Rook in Dalian China with pieces made from ice...
as the (now deceased) King's side (Black) Rook gave mate with the Knight after sacrficing his Queen he said:
Look. Ice. Pant (he was puffing and hence he said 'pant' as in puff). The Knight
Look. Ice. Pant. The Knight.
It sounded just like: Look, I spent the night.
The Black Rook continued looking at some of the other Black Rook's personal effects and then turned his mind to something else as he sat sipping on a small and non intoxicating amount of Wild Turkey Bourbon. Deep within he had the yearning of an artist... the coming of the two from South Park had further sparked his artistic sentiments: the way they came. He was glad they had some pants to come in. First pantaloons to come in -- then briches -- they would be able to come in their briches. They had come.
Anyway, the point was that the Black Rook wanted to outdo the Simpsons, the Family Guy, Futurama, South Park, American Dad and any others that haven't been mentioned. It wouldn't be easy to outdo the relevance and comedic strengths of the aforementioned cartoon comedy shows: just think, they all had talented teams of writers who were snazzy east coast/west coast know everything Americans that knew the rules of football and had their thumbs on the pulses of the collective
popular culture of the world or America, since nobody watched cartoons from Slovakia.
The Black Rook was just one solitary aspiring artist, a veritable David as compared to the seasoned and wealthy veterans of the comedic minds and artistic legions of the various winning cartoon tv shows mentioned. The Black Rook remembered Jesus and the POWER that one man could wield for better or worse: if he only had Faith. Faith was one thing the Black Rook had, it wasn't that he was stupid, he just had a helluva lot of faith to draw on, the kind of faith that gives a mother freakish strength to hold up a 1 ton car to protect her baby from being crushed by it..........
not having a team of artists with snazzy computers like the Family Guy people and South Park people, et al, the Black Rook stuck his finger up his butthole and began to draw on the wall in front of him.... like Da Vinci, he began to write with one hand while he (finger) painted
with his other hand (with crap from his arsehole)....
here's what he began to create:
an Englishman that felt sad and confessed to some international (non-English) friends:
'my heart is broken, woe is me.'
But his international friends took it to mean:
'My hut is broken, woe is me.'
Hence his friends began offering him help:
'Let us help you with your hut.'
'I am good with roofs.'
The Black Rook began imagining all the producers and writers who would compare his work with Woody Allen and remark on his genius.
Then the Black Rook decided he would use a unique plot device or additive: a character with cerebral palsy prone to masturbating on a biscuit on his lounge-room floor or any number of funny places....
of course some people might find that offensive, and not at all humorous, but goddammit, he would have to be a Maverick. Goddammit it was ballsy he told himself. There was some other great idea the Black Rook had that didn't involve sticking his finger up his arse but he couldn't remember what it was. The Black Rook tapped his fingers on the table nearby him but his synapses only flashed forth with the wrong great idea: candy cane like in that movie with the out of control truck and truck driver: Joy Ride.... then the Black Rook thought some more and finally the great idea descended on him:
the idea that would crown the genius of his masturbating cerebral palsy character (with the biscuit) and the Englishman with the broken heart or hut: what a great sound bite! yes yes indeed! cried the Black Rook rapturously and indeed, with his unshakeable Faith in himself and his talent, he created a cartoon that revolved around an English man with a hut and a heart -- a person with cerebral palsy given to jerking off on a biscuit in various places -- and his classic catch-cry/ catch-phrase / killer sound bite: (see below)
this trio of simple concepts -- played over and over again -- repetitively, over and over again---brought
down South Park, American Dad, the Simpsons, the Family Guy, Futurama et al by the year 2017... Time magazine and Newsweek championed the unparalled boldness and genius of the Black Rook's comedy and the writers of the other cartoons could not believe that their sophisticated and detailed storylines and gags with never-ending plots and stories and such were usurped by a repetitive, stupid, simple concept:
Englishman hut/heart /// cerebral palsy jerker-offer /// killer sound byte........ how was it possible that these creative geniuses lost their complex stories and fanbase to a neverending re-looping of Englishman hut/heart /// cerebral palsy jerker-offer /// killer sound bite:
astounding
meanwhile -- somewhere in hollywood -- tom cruise sat back on his sofa and started watching some fox news
channel -- the good-looking bill hemmer was presenting america's newsroom... mr cruise looked around --
where was katie? he lowered a hand to his upper thigh -- and just smoothed out a wrinkle there and brushed
away some fluff......... cruise fell asleep and the characters on the screen started responding to his
brain waves -- his brain waves were actually controlling the television signals that were digitally
carried along and beamed out to the world as it were........ his sleeping imagination over-rode the
ones and zeros that constitute digital television and what he dreamt instantaneously played out to
millions of viewers around the world - astounding.... .... in his dreams / and on the tv screen --
fox news was morphing into wwf rock'n'roll wrestling..... bill o'reilly was some kind of muscular
mix of a vampire and viking god and was crushing nancy pelosi on the mat --- he held her head in a lock
in the crook of his elbow as she lay prone on the mat on her stomach thumping the floor with a spare fist
wearing nothing but short shorts and a skimpy bra top thing as o'reilly cruelly twisted her elbow ---- \
somehow ---- democratic senator harry reid, having miraculously survived a potentially career ending scandal in early 2007 involving a public restroom, police and the notion of hot (or passionate) gay sex appeared as another fantastically made up rock'n'roll wrestling character and together with former president jimmy carter and a couple of midgets (the latter two made out as motorcycle gang members) attacked O'Reilly and freed Pelosi........ at this point, Republican Fox News stalwarts Gretta Van Susteren and the unemployed (except for Fox News) political strategist Karl Rove entered the fray but not before Rove called out to Republican newcomer from Delaware, Christine O'Donnell to not pull a Sarah Palin and start saying kooky things about Russia and China --- and with that entrance, it was truly on............ but after a time Mr. Cruise stopped dreaming about these things and so all the people of the world that watch Fox News Channel, including regular comers and journalists from competing networks, were surprised to see this apparent gag end and Fox return to its normal programming....... but Cruise never stopped dreaming --- his dreams merely entered a deeper phase, like in the new Leonardo di Caprio movie --- would other channels be safe from their programming rituals being breeched by an unlikely vibratory source???
hear the Black Rook's killer soundbite here:
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