anyway

anyway, with regard to the last blog, probably i am just too lazy, mentally too.... it takes a lot of discipline to study to learn -- not just to read for pleasure -- i certainly could spend some time every week trying to learn to speak russian -- i really would like to go and live in russia someday -- but not without having a strong understanding of their language

moving on..... as i laze on my couch at 930pm - watching fox news where it is 730am on the same date....... i had some other vague ideas

how much i liked the virginians when i spent 90 days there in 2001 -- what good people they seemed to me at the time...... later even years later, meeting one in nyc in a kitchen where we worked, again she seemed like such a good person...... i have been to other southern states in america but they never struck me as such good people as the virginians -- perhaps its a question of vibrations --- of course, california is great but becomes not disimilar to australia which i probably must like as i have spent so much time here........

i find if i think retrospectively about my travels to and fro now, as it seems at age 35 youth is completely evading me..... i find that while i understand people better, their motivations, how they see themselves and what they want out of life, i find that the wanderlust i felt in the past is gone..... the pleasure of seeing a corner of spain or living in paris....... or virginia before that....... or spending a year and a half in china........

in terms of spirituality, i find that as i am unable, like these feted mystics of india or wherever, to experience para-satma (whatever that is) - astral travel - awareness of cosmic consciousness -- i find myself just a little bit of a monkey, somewhat lonely and desirous to know God more intimately -- to feel God closer...... of course God is a big mystery and all that -- how can existence... something... exist in the first place? how can God or ANYTHING even exist to begin with? it's just too mysterious to fathom..... still, perhaps becoz of too much chicken and not enough exercise and whatever other matters weigh on my mind.... well certainly i find with a mortgage and a wife, there is certainly no room for the spring in the step of travel, the happy mounting of a backpack and the discovery of a new rincon....