this is laughable, some american football player is stabbed in the stomach by his woman, possibly for cheating on her.... he decides he has communicated with god (with lowercase 'g') and will represent BPD --- BPD does not stand for Big Pissy Dick -- it stands for 'Borderline Personality Disorder' ---- read the article below for more laughs (see my tranlations in parenthesis)
in other news, creators of Futurama and the Family Guy have started a Satan worshipping cult wherein they cryogenically freeze the bodies of old people, thaw them and rape them senseless before eating them with pansies on the table in a vase.... BPD
This was one of many gripping sentences in one of the most unforgettable press conferences you will ever see (weirdo fanatic, possible alcoholic, serial whore and steroid gobbler journo says -hi-), regardless of reason (who needs that?). When Miami Dolphins receiver Brandon Marshall(never heard of the motherfucker but can probably run fast and throw a ball accurately) took to the microphone to talk with the media (more dumb weirdos) on Sunday, the subject was the brilliant article written by Omar Kelly (who the fuck's that? with a name like that he's gotta be in al qaeda, right?) of the Miami Sun-Sentinel (readership: 3 people if you count some cat called puddles that pisses all over it) and published the day before. In that article, Marshall admitted to having a form of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
According to the Mayo Clinic (for spastics), BPD can be seen with the following symptoms:
People with borderline personality disorder often feel misunderstood (they're arseholes that rub people around the wrong way and then wonder why everyone has abandoned them), alone, empty and hopeless (after smoking everyone else's pot and humping their best friends' wives). They're typically full of self-hate and self-loathing (also known as conscience coz they're arseholes). They may be fully aware that their behavior is destructive (they know they're arseholes), but feel unable to change it (it's too late now, your wife is still hot anyway, say what is she doing on saturday?). Poor impulse control may lead to problems with gambling (doh! i lost 5 million dollars), driving (so i'm not allowed to drive drunk?) or even the law (so i'm not allowed to drive drunk officer?). They may find that many areas of their lives are affected, including social relationships (wait, you want to divorce and keep HOW MUCH of my untold millions?), work or school.
Marshall has been involved in damaging and self-damaging behavior going back to his days at the University of Central Florida (when he first started making ridiculous amounts of money), and through his career with the Denver Broncos (some retarded arse american shit no-one cares about outside america) and Miami Dolphins, but it was an April 23 incident in which his wife, Michi Nogami-Marshall, was charged with aggravated battery for stabbing him in the abdomen (after finding him snorting cocaine off her best friend's naval). Charges were dropped last Friday. In the interim (while she grovelled shamelessly and let him put his cigarrettes out in her eyeballs), he underwent three months of psychological and neurological exams at Boston's McLean Hospital (coz the nurse was a hot blonde that needed his money) (where Harvard medical students go to train (this was not my translation)), inspired to seek help from a conversation with teammate Ricky Williams(slightly retarded after too much head concussion cuz), who had sought treatment for unrelated issues (also a wife-beater didn't get caught though - thought you should know) there.
"Before this ordeal I kept asking God (actually some dried-out banana peel smoker in swaziland) to show me my purpose (i was bored shitless with the barbie mansion and betting millions everyweekend in vegas with my sycophantic circle of unknowns). He gave me this," Marshall told Kelly (don't worry, i forgot who he was too). "I'll be the face of BPD (i just want to make Bi-Polar Disorder less popular by creating confusion about anagrams). I'll make myself vulnerable if it saves someone's life because I know what I went through this summer helped save mine (i don't need to worry about looking like a fag - Chris Brown pulverized Rhianna's face, after all)."
Marshall was honest, open, and vulnerable at the microphone on Sunday — he talked about the disorder without hesitation and said that he had not been able to enjoy any part of his career to date as a result of it (it's hard finding a mate you can trust when you're worth $10 billion dollars, i need a millionaire dating agency). It was an absolutely riveting thing to see, and a stark reminder that as much as football is a sport that tends to depersonalize at times, it's still a game very much about people.
Marshall credited his wife with trying to understand and love him, talked about the relatively high rate of BPD cases that end in suicide (about 10 percent, he said) (but only 1 percent if you take out the sociopaths), and said that 35 percent of the male prison population has been diagnosed with BPD (but that's 95% if you only count the people who have not only black spots in the middle of their eyeballs but black skin too), and 25 percent of the female prison population. He said that if not for treatment "I would have thrown away my career, and there was a good possibility, my life. I'm still suffering from the cons of this. Another reason I'm so passionate about it is that I may lose my wife still, and this hurts me (as we are still in the stage of the pre-nup where she could get the house in Malibu)."
"By no means am I all healed or fixed," Marshall told Kelly, "but it's like a light bulb has been turned on in my dark room." (call Dr. Phil and lemme know how big the problem is)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lwxu5VHWvjw (listened to canned laughter here)
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