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That loveable and blathering scallywag Colbert, for that indeed was his name, if you could remember his existence long enough to punctuate a thought about him long enough to dwell on a shadowy, fuzzy recollection, was a swell enough guy that anyone would rather morph into a dog for a full minute and start humping his leg as opposed to live in eastern europe or the former ussr excluding Russia.... was able to turn a real profit by marketing and selling French cheese in his own name -- his new high profile role as point-man for the Western Film Industry Bailout Corp. was just the leverage he needed to drive home the victory 100% - his full resounding potential would be in selling French Fromage.... just his name 'Colbert' insinuated screamingly, 'fine cheese,' -- his boring, mild-mannered image, exciting for dogs wanting a leg to hump, screamed: French Cheese.... anyway, in his role as point man for the film bailout corp, Colbert understood he was dealing not only with an industry of abstractions and intellectuality, but also of realities and workers across various timezones with outrageous schedules -- actors, directors, editors, office-working sound technicians, the myriad and kalaidescope of the industry failed his scope-like vision not....

'I see the scope of it all,' he said, 'let micro-managers trouble about the niggling day to day realities...'.... Colbert, in his non-cheese pursuits, regarding the film industry bailout, realized he needed to portray a simple concept as best he could, and clothe it in the best way possible for the resident Truth to be understood, in the end, he chose a parable treating on the French Foreign Legion and the Vietnam War..... 'friends,' he addressed a large crowd including UN members and film industrialists representing management in major studios, etc, 'when people thinking about joining the French Foreign Legion to fight in Vietnam before the Americans got involved there, ppl talking to them said, "don't do it! we hear story after story of the 50% of soldiers who return alive return as demented imbeciles".... think about it people," continued Colbert, whose audience from his TV show the Colbert Section, indeed were precisely the same way... 'friends, we have a reality today where 95% of the movies being released by the distributors, whether they were filmed 2 years ago and left on the shelf until now for release, or whatever their stories were, we have a serious demented imbecile problem, or DI as we call it,'... the audience nodded understandably, distributors, producers, actors, everyone, he was really making sense, getting through to them, 'friends i've heard talk that when robert de niro goes home every day, he throws cards against a wall to see how close they can land, starts twiddling his lower lip while expelling air noisily and spends hours on end scratching his testicles in this way...'... again the audience murmered appreciably about the disturbing rumors..........'friends,' continued Colbert, 'it has even gotten so bad, there are now macro-economists that blame America's 10% unemployment on APING the lifestyle decision they see depicted in film and television fictional scenarios... they argue that in China there is no such problem...' next Colbert flashed up a series of movies currently out for release featuring the stars of the day, Witherspoon, Jolie, Depp, Stiller, de Niro... it was truly cringe-worthy.... someone fainted and a stretcher arrived to carry the person to a hospital....