shortly after speeding off Jacob lost his temper and started punching out the Colbert cutout -- 'how could you do that? you just decapitated my sister!' bam, bam, bam... he punched and punched until his fist was making contact with the car door behind the cutout and he had to stop when he hurt his own fist very badly......
he drove on in silence and after a very long silence, he fixed the cardboard cutout in its seat a little and started talking like Don Corlione from the Godfather,
'look man, here's the deal... i've got some business arrangements with some celebrity news agencies in LA, i don't want to mention any names, but a certain movie star, a woman, she just had a famous divorce not that long ago, the media painted the husband as a lousy cheat and her as the unlucky victim, but at least one and possibly two news agencies had a bunch of dirty low-down on the woman, but they didn't release it, she went to a cocktail party with a football team.... USC? you say, no, it was LA Galaxy, a soccer team, apparently, during the marriage, the entire team buttfucked her on the balcony where the party was at, one-by-one, some kind of magic chain or something --- word on the street is, she farted for weeks after that and it smelt like come...... yeah you're right about that, it's gross, that's for sure.........' evidently Jacob had calmed down a lot and wasn't mad with the Colbert cardboard cutout anymore......... 'look what i want you to do isn't extortion, i just want you to stand over this woman, tell her to tone it down a little bit, stop bad-mouthing her ex-husband and acting all innocent...' said Jacob and took a swig of root-beer from a hip flask... 'root beer?' he said to the Colbert cutout, holding the flask before it, 'don't like root beer, huh? what's my angle on the movie star lady thing? well basically her ex-husband's people are making noises and want her to shut up... the plan is, i'll drop you outside a fancy niteclub in the Hollywood hills, you'll go inside and attend a party where she will be, you'll have an opportunity to meet her and you'll tell her the following phrase, memorize it well: "the shiny dildo is not a happy camper," i repeat, "the shiny dildo is not a happy camper," -- when you say this to her, she will know what it means, walk away after that and enjoy the party some more and then just wait for me outside at 230am.... where will i be? no i won't be coming to the party, some fundamentalist Muslim friends are anxious for me to take them to the set of a popular reality TV show, also in the Hollywood Hills, if you hear a faint pop, that will be the fundamentalists' bomb... they are sure they can help the relationships of some of the starlets that are falling out with eachother by placing some bombs strategically.... sound like a plan?'
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