the video store clerk looked at his girlfriend as she entered the Blockbuster, god he hated her.... why was he with her again? oh becoz life was a meaningless joke and God had died, choking on his own vomit, or a pretzel, or had just forgotten about Earth and was busy with something else......... becoz life was so ugly you needed the vilest, nastiest woman to remind you of it -- in case you became DI (see below)......... Jacob Ladder knew how he would lose the woman this time,
'you know what? i'm gay,' he told her, 'i'm coming out... you are the last straw that has tipped me irrevocably against women... God died and life has no meaning... instead of suiciding i am just going to have sex with men from now on as you have forever poisoned anything good and loving i could have found in a woman,' said Jacob to his girlfriend.
'if that's true,' she said, 'then start humping that cutout of Stephen Colbert right now,' she said, indicating a cardboard cutout of Colbert in the Blockbuster store used for marketing some Colbert movie, 'and then,' she continued, laying a little plastic baggy she'd been holding, along with a dog leash, 'then eat this shit...' she paused, 'if you do those two things, in that order, i'll leave you forever...'
'you can still say hi to me once a year on facebook if you like,' he said as he walked over to the cutout of Colbert to pick it up and take it on a date...
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